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Barb Taub
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Do Not Wash Hands In Plates: Elephant frenzy, parathas, temples, palaces, monkeys...and the kindness of Indian strangers (Your Camels Are Here Book 1) Kindle Edition

by Barb Taub (Author), Jayalakshmi Ayyer (Photographer), Janine Smith (Photographer) Format: Kindle Edition
4.1 out of 5 stars 110 ratings
Once upon the Land Before Time (or at least before mobile phones), my two best friends and I decided to leave the US from separate locations and meet up in Europe. To everyone's shock, Janine, Jaya and I pulled it off—mostly because we went to Luxembourg, a country so small the odds in favor of chance street encounters were almost 100%, but also because Jaya was carrying the BS, a blue suitcase so enormous it took up approximately a third of the country's square footage and was visible on satellite images. We couldn't possibly miss.

It took over thirty-five years before—in a combination of optimism and failing memories— we recklessly decided to repeat this feat. Hey, we reasoned, now we've got smartphones, better credit ratings, wheeled suitcases, medical insurance, and the ability to drink legally. Just to make it more interesting, this time we chose to meet in India, where the odds against the three of us actually linking up were approximately a bazillion to bupkis.

Despite blizzards, canceled flights, de-icing delays, and an adjacent passenger who had made unfortunate food choices resulting in alarming gastrointestinal events, I arrived in India. The theory was that I would fly in from my home in Scotland, Janine would come from Washington DC, and Jaya would meet up with us at the airport. Nobody who knows any of us thought for a second that this could really occur.

Actual conversation at Passport Control, Mumbai:
Janine: “Well no, I don't have my friend's address or phone number. But she's going to pick me up at the airport. She lives in Gujarat. That's in India.”
Passport Control: [SO not impressed]

I arrived before Janine. As far as I could tell, the Ahmedabad Airport was staffed by the entire Indian army, each soldier carrying a honking huge gun. I grabbed my suitcase and exited baggage control into India. Noise. Chaos. People, dogs, honking horns, more people. More soldiers. More guns. Dozens of sincere men who called me “Sister” and suggested they could take me anywhere on the planet I might want to go.

No Janine. No Jaya. And, apparently, no way to get back into the airport. After several failed attempts at international texts, I realized I could (at heart-stopping expense) send email to Jaya, who soon confirmed that she was on her way and that it was 3:00AM so I should go back inside. Except there were signs everywhere saying you couldn't go back in.
“No problem.” Jaya explained that rules in India were more like guidelines. “People in India are very kind. Just ask.”

I’ve been living in the UK where rules are inviolate and graven in stone, so I didn't believe a word of it. But the soldier at the door listened to my plea and waved his AK-Humongo to usher me back inside. There I found Janine attempting to send email or text. I reminded her neither option was likely for two technologically-challenged, jet-lagged, middle-aged ladies in a foreign country at 3:00AM.

In the end, we wandered over to the door and to our mutual amazement found Jaya waiting for us along with her husband, a hired driver, and a van. Apparently lightning does strike again, because just like thirty-five years earlier, the three of us actually managed to meet up in another continent.

This is the story of three women eating our way across India in search of adventure, elephants, temples, palaces, western toilets, monkeys, the perfect paratha...and the kindness of Indian strangers.
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  1. Book 1 of 2
    Your Camels Are Here
  2. Print length
    79 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publication date
    January 1, 2016
  5. File size
    5.8 MB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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Editorial Reviews

Review

  • Fun Indian Travel Memoir "Three women who have been friends for 35 years, since they roomed together at University decided on a re-union in India. Their aim was to eat their way across the country and slip in a temple viewing or two, plus see some of the vibrant colours and culture this continent has to offer."--Rosie Amber, Book Reviewer
  • Best non-fiction book I've ever read ... hands down. -- Crystin Goodwin, Author Blessings of Myrilla series
  • So Funny!...delightful travelogue!--Cathy Ryan, BetweenTheLines reviews
  • Delightful hilarity! "I started off highlighting passages for quotes, soon realising I would end up quoting more of the book than I was leaving out. " --Terry Tyler, best-selling author
  • Humour, Friendship & Exotic Locations "The exotic, colourful, frenetic places they visited are beguiling but no visit to India could be so entertaining without Barb and her friends accompanying you!"--Lizanne Lloyd, Author

From the Author

DO NOT WASH HANDS IN PLATES is the story of three women eating our way across India in search of adventure, elephants, temples, palaces, western toilets, monkeys, the perfect paratha...and the kindness of Indian strangers.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B01A34USEA
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Amazon Digital Services Inc
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 1, 2016
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 5.8 MB
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 79 pages
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Book 1 of 2 ‏ : ‎ Your Camels Are Here
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.1 out of 5 stars 110 ratings

About the author

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Barb Taub

Barb Taub

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BARB TAUB is a humor and urban fantasy author, caffeinated AussieDog wrangler, Yankee expat, and travel junkie. Following her daring daytime escape to England, Barb has lived in a medieval castle, a Hobbit House, and a magic Scottish Isle. You can find her online at https://barbtaub.com/

Customer reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
110 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book well-written and entertaining, with good photos and interesting views of travels in India. They appreciate its readability, with one customer noting it's a quick read. The book receives positive feedback for its humor and story quality, with one review highlighting its clever cross-outs.

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11 customers mention "Humor"11 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's humor, with one mentioning its priceless details.

"...friends have had many adventures, and her recounting of this one is hilarious and worth the time to read...." Read more

"...were hilarious and that takes a certain talent...." Read more

"...'only in India' experiences that is described here with priceless detail and humor, I have to say this book is simply one of the most interesting..." Read more

"I thought it was more about elephants. It's funny and entertaining but still just okay." Read more

11 customers mention "Writing quality"11 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well-written and delightful to read, with one customer noting its creative approach of crossing out words.

"...It is written from the heart (and the belly) and shares some hidden jewels that India has to offer as well as a unique view of what it is like to..." Read more

"...Needless to say, I laughed my way through this quick, entertaining read ... even the painful moments..." Read more

"...from India and encountering first hand many or most of the amazing, thrilling, confusing and totally 'only in India' experiences that is described..." Read more

"I thought it was more about elephants. It's funny and entertaining but still just okay." Read more

8 customers mention "Travel value"8 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the travel value of the book, which provides interesting views of travels in India, with one customer describing it as a true travel journal that offers an all-encompassing experience.

"...I have to admit I'm an avid subscriber to Barb Taub's informative and insightful, and always hilarious, blog...." Read more

"A lighthearted story with interesting views of travels in India with three lovely ladies" Read more

"...humor, I have to say this book is simply one of the most interesting catalog of travels in India that I have read recently...." Read more

"...It's a true travel journal, written in a very entertaining way...." Read more

4 customers mention "Photography"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the photography in the book.

"...I loved the pictures that were included in the book and had people looking at me strangely as I would burst out in fits of riotous laughter at the..." Read more

"...cities, cuisine and cultural proclivities and the photography is outstanding. Reading this tasty travel memoir is an all-encompassing experience...." Read more

"...is entertaining, the travelogue was informative and Jaya's and Janine's pictures were wonderful...." Read more

"Well written and very amusing, with good photos too. Gives a good overview of the differences in life between the US and India." Read more

3 customers mention "Readability"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book quick and easy to read.

"...Needless to say, I laughed my way through this quick, entertaining read ... even the painful moments..." Read more

"Loved this book. A fast, easy, and very enjoyable read. The author uses a great device of crossing out words that she really means...." Read more

"...This was a very quick read and will spark an interest in India. But, more importantly, it kept me laughing out loud throughout the book." Read more

3 customers mention "Story quality"3 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the story quality of the book, with one mentioning it's an ok memoir about three friends.

"...This was an ok memoir about three friends of 35 years that travel to India. A few entertaining moments but nothing memorable...." Read more

"A lighthearted story with interesting views of travels in India with three lovely ladies" Read more

"Delightful Story..." Read more

3 customers mention "View"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's unique view, with one mentioning its insightful look at the countryside and another noting its clever cross-outs.

"...and shares some hidden jewels that India has to offer as well as a unique view of what it is like to travel with close friends at different points..." Read more

"...The reader is offered an insightful look at countryside, cities, cuisine and cultural proclivities and the photography is outstanding...." Read more

"...I especially enjoyed the clever cross-outs (references to food!) and photos by Smith and Avyer brought the adventure to life...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Ionia Froment
    5.0 out of 5 stars Yummy!
    Reviewed in the United States on February 29, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I blame the author of this book for making me gain ten pounds during the course of reading it. If you love travel and you love food, then this is a book that you cannot pass up. Barb Taub and her friends have had many adventures, and her recounting of this one is hilarious and worth the time to read. From the food in India, the food in India and the food in India, as well as various other adventures, this book will not only make you hungry, but also make you laugh out loud.

    I have to be honest, travel memoirs have never been my favourite thing, but this one is different. It is written from the heart (and the belly) and shares some hidden jewels that India has to offer as well as a unique view of what it is like to travel with close friends at different points in your life. I loved the pictures that were included in the book and had people looking at me strangely as I would burst out in fits of riotous laughter at the author's explanations of situations and people she interacted with during her trip.

    This is a very well-written, well-edited and creative book that you will be happy to add to the "read again" books on your shelf. And Now I shall go make a curry.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Joann R. Greene
    3.0 out of 5 stars Skip It!!!
    Reviewed in the United States on November 2, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I am a tough critic when it comes to travel memoirs and this one sort of bit the dust for me. It got great reviews and I don't know why. I've read Frank Kusy's books on India and they are awesome. This was an ok memoir about three friends of 35 years that travel to India. A few entertaining moments but nothing memorable. The pictures were too small to see anything so that was a waste on my Kindle. I'd pass on this travel memoir.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Patricia L. Sands
    5.0 out of 5 stars Friendship + photography + travel = irrestistible!
    Reviewed in the United States on February 5, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    Friendship + photography + travel = an irresistible combination for me! I have to admit I'm an avid subscriber to Barb Taub's informative and insightful, and always hilarious, blog. When I read she (along with her BFFs) was publishing a memoir about their trip to India, I couldn't wait to download it. Needless to say, I laughed my way through this quick, entertaining read ... even the painful moments (e.g. Delhi Belly ... sorry, Barb ... and death-defying driving) were hilarious and that takes a certain talent. Colors, smells, tastes, sights and sounds ... and the unending hospitality of the people of India ... all come alive. The reader is offered an insightful look at countryside, cities, cuisine and cultural proclivities and the photography is outstanding. Reading this tasty travel memoir is an all-encompassing experience. However, as much as I enjoyed all that, what I loved most was the friendship shared by Barb, Jaya and Janine. After 35 years, their bond is as strong as ever. That is a treasure to experience in itself!
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Lynette Gage
    4.0 out of 5 stars A lighthearted story with interesting views of travels in India ...
    Reviewed in the United States on January 25, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    A lighthearted story with interesting views of travels in India with three lovely ladies
    One person found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars ... and encountering first hand many or most of the amazing, thrilling
    Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    Being from India and encountering first hand many or most of the amazing, thrilling, confusing and totally 'only in India' experiences that is described here with priceless detail and humor, I have to say this book is simply one of the most interesting catalog of travels in India that I have read recently. Am thrilled I came across Barb Taub's book from a post by Jaya Ayyer, one of the three (heroic, I should add) travelers in this amazing (and brave !! ) adventure. Bravo ladies . And thanks for writing about it - reading it, it felt like one is there with them - all the way from steaming cups of chai at roadside shacks, the splendour of hand made textiles and handicrafts, and the hospitality of all those along the way. All so written about with inimitable humor I had to read it all at one go. Anyone planning a trip to India, or who did already have one and can reminisce from this narrative - read this ! Most enjoyable in all ways !! :)
    3 people found this helpful
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  • ginc
    3.0 out of 5 stars Hmmmm
    Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I thought it was more about elephants. It's funny and entertaining but still just okay.
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  • Donna Smith
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good humor
    Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Well written, very funny look at her travels in India! Barb has a humorous way of looking at the world! I read it aloud. The only problem was pronouncing all the place and people names!
    It's a true travel journal, written in a very entertaining way. I got a good idea of what it would have been like to have gone along to India with these three women. Read it before taking off for India, or any trip really, and I think it will leave you with a better appreciation of the people and situations you may encounter!
    One person found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars People in India are very kind and this ebook is awesome!
    Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I was not fortunate enough to have made a lifelong friend who could give me an insider's guided tour to India but I was lucky enough to spend a very pleasant time reading about Barb's, Jaya's and Janine's trip. Reading about it from home meant that I missed out on all of the exciting experiences firsthand and I am consoling myself with the fact that I also missed out on the not so marvelous experiences as well. Barb's writing is entertaining, the travelogue was informative and Jaya's and Janine's pictures were wonderful. I highly recommend this for anyone who wants a quick getaway without leaving home.
    2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • P E READ
    5.0 out of 5 stars Do not be afraid!!!
    Reviewed in Canada on January 4, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I would like to wholeheartedly recommend that you do not read this book in the library. There is no way you cannot chortle, guffaw and laugh out loud at this hilarious trip diary. Welcome to India. This is an eye-opening and mind expanding look at the adventures, and miss adventures, of three women sight-seeing the real India. From the abundant food to the quirky customs and the wondrous purchases you will want to go there yourself. And who doesn’t need a pregnant stone elephant? So grab a cup of Chai, a comfortable chair and a little time to immerse yourself in this gem of a read. “. . . rules in India are more like guidelines. . .” Yep. I can’t wait to read this one again!
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  • Strawberry
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very funny travel memoir. Had me laughing out loud and now I want to visit India!
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 19, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I received a free digital copy from the author in return for a review. The following is my honest opinion on this book:

    Once upon a time, years ago, three best friends Barb, Janine and Jaya decided to leave the US from three separate locations and meet in Europe. Thirty five years later they decided to recreate the feat by all meeting in India from three different locations around the world. After successfully meeting the three of them set of on an amazing Indian adventure filled with elephants, temples and lots and lots of food!

    Do Not Wash Hands in Plates is a hilarious travel memoir. Right from the introduction I couldn’t help but laugh and I knew this book would keep me entertained. The book isn’t very long but packs a lot into its pages. Each chapter has a funny title which makes you want to read on. Unlike some travel memoirs that focus more on the places tourists visit, this book is firmly all about the experience the three friends have.

    Journeying through India they visit many locations such as the Taj Mahal and there are some lovely pictures of these monuments but it’s not this I really enjoyed reading. What I like most about this book is actually the story of travelling between the different locations and the other things they got up to such as their trip to the marketplace, the interesting rules of queuing in India and the copious amount of food on offer that just has to be eaten!

    The book has lots of great pictures with great captions next to them and you even find out where the title of the book comes from. There is nothing offensive in this book, unless you consider an account of Delhi belly as offensive.

    Overall I really like this book, the writing style is so easy to read and Barb Taub has you laughing at every turn of the page. The only downside to this book is the short length, I would have gladly read through a travel memoir twice maybe even three times as long! Apart from having me laughing this book has taught me a little about India too and has actually made me want to visit and try parathas! A great read for anyone interested in a funny travel memoir.
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  • Boingboing
    3.0 out of 5 stars A quick fun read that only scratches the surface.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 8, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    Too many would-be travel writers - especially those writing about India - make the gigantic mistake of trying to be William Dalrymple and filling the pages with too much detail and too much historical stuff they've just recycled out of guide books. Barb Taub doesn't. In fact there's almost nothing 'guide-bookish' about this very short book at all.

    The other mistake people make is trying to be TOO original - to walk across the country on their hands with a meerkat in their pocket, to only eat food that starts with 'B' or to attempt a journey only with sign-language. Barb doesn't do that either; she and her friends stay in 'nice' hotels and with her friend's fabulous family. No roughing it, just nice places, nice people and lots of cheap prescription drugs. This is the kind of holiday ANYBODY with a credit card and some common sense can do.

    It took me considerably less than an hour to fly through 'Do Not Wash Hands in Plates ' - which I have to say is a pretty underwhelming title.

    What I enjoyed was the feel of reading somebody's Christmas 'round robin' letter - a quick jaunt around her holiday filled with plenty of witty comments and observations. It's not a spectacularly interesting travel experience, it's very superficial and plenty of opportunities to 'expand' go entirely untaken, but if you're happy for a quick read to reassure you before you go to India, or to remind you of your last trip, it's a light, fun opportunity.

    The photos are utterly wasted when reading on Kindle - far too small to actually see or sometimes understand. They needed to be formatted so they'd expand when clicked.
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  • Sophie
    4.0 out of 5 stars 7/10 Good, lighthearted, humorous book.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 19, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    A lighthearted book that often reads more like a blog, which makes sense as the author has written a blog about her travels. Quite humorous. You get to learn about some of the places visited and the customs of India. Love that pictures of the places are included. On my phone using the Amazon kindle app they were just too small to be of much use though, even when zooming in. 
    Taub writes about the food, travelling (nothing too much on the two subjects just mentioned), monuments and places visited, things the natives there do to try and get you to buy things (these parts are quite funny). 
    I like that the chapters are actually titled and give you an idea of what is in each, unlike many cheap or free kindle books.

    A decent lighthearted read for a free ebook (now £0.99 for the kindle edition, although about £11 for the paperback which is a little steep in my opinion). 
    7/10.

    I would recommend for: people interested in culture
    People who want a light read
    People with a short attention span
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  • PhotoInsider
    4.0 out of 5 stars Short and Sweet
    Reviewed in India on May 30, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    A sweet and short expression of a foreigners visit to India. Well written with a great sense of humour. Worth reading.
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