★ 12/16/2019
Journalist Mehler Paperny offers a startling and intimate portrait of her multiple attempts at suicide and digs into the disturbingly inadequate “toolbox” available to individuals suffering from acute depression. This memoir cum cultural study segues between the author’s inexplicable obsession with killing herself (raised in a supportive family, she writes, her depression isn’t connected to an experiential trigger) and a review of medications and other approaches available to those struggling with depression. Mehler Paperny’s intense story begins in 2011 when, at 24, she ends up in the psych ward, having been discovered in her apartment after she drank antifreeze; her subsequent suicide attempts included asphyxiation and overdosing on pills. Due to depression’s human, societal, and economic costs, she writes, it “affects everyone,” and yet there is no overarching magic answer to this remarkably complex “shit sandwich of an illness,” and she lists options for those suffering, such as pharmaceuticals, psychotherapy, and electroconvulsive therapy. Talking openly about suicide, she asserts, is crucial; and in doing so here, she herself inspires in her determination to “punch” back at her illness. This earnest and informative volume serves as a frank guide to those dealing with depression. (Apr.)
"[Paperny’s] skill as a journalist is evident both in the seamless ease with which she moves from one topic to another and in her ability to break down complex ideas into accessible and engaging prose. . . . It’s hard to imagine any group of people who wouldn’t benefit in some way from reading this book. Those who have been through the system will feel less alone in their experiences, and those who haven’t will gain necessary insight into what it’s like. Paperny ends not with the story of a triumphant recovery or a miraculous cure, but a call to arms: let’s fix this broken system. Her work will go a long way toward helping readers understand just how vital that need is."
"Raw, frank and dark-humored. It’s not a story of redemption or triumph. . . . But, in its unpretentiousness, the book is a must-read for those who want to understand what goes on in the heads of those who take their own lives each year . . . and the multiples more who, like the author, come perilously close. Ms. Mehler Paperny does a masterful job of delving into the complexities of living with depression, the challenges of getting the help you need and why it’s so difficult to prevent suicide."
"The world needs more Anna Mehler Papernys, not fewer. Brave, compassionate, insightful, and wincingly self-aware. Ready to challenge convention, hold feet to the fire, to ‘punch in the face with words,’ as she puts it in her book . . . Anna has announced herself as one of the most tenaciously curious working journalists, working minds, that we have."
"In this courageous and honest book, Anna Mehler Paperny plumbs the depths of her own acute depression, and also investigates the cultural, social, and historical discourse around despair. She writes with a stunning fluency that belies the narrative’s underlying pain. This is an insightful and important book."
"I learned so much from [Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me ] about depression, its history, its treatment, and avenues for solutions. You’ll learn a great deal too from her engaging, and funny, and courageous book."
"This is such an important book. . . . Paperny writes with urgency and intensity because she’s tapping into an essential truth: Everyone deserves dignified mental health care, but systemic injustices create huge discrepancies in how people are treated. I learned so much from this engaging, well-researched, courageous book. It belongs in the canon of ‘must-reads’ to understand mental health treatment today."
"Compelling . . . a very good book. People coping with depression will find it supportive as well as entertaining—Anna has a great sense of humor. I also think it will help educate the public."
"Told with intimate understanding and heartwrenching humor, the book sheds some much-needed light on the far-reaching impacts of this unpredictable mental illness."
"Anna’s the best journalist I know. Her story about the mental health care–system, as seen through her own experience, is an act of monumental bravery. This is a book that will save lives."
"This book documents [Paperny’s] effort to become acquainted with depression, for the sake of herself and others. She is a fine tour guide, with a reporter’s rigour, strong narrative skills and self-deprecating humour."
"Anna Mehler Paperny illuminates the dark corners of suicide and depression with wit and tenacity. Both an extraordinary work of journalism and a poignant, harrowing—and occasionally funny—memoir. Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me is fearless and necessary."
"A remarkable book. . . . I am just so impressed by Anna’s honesty and rigor, her courage, her thorough research, her insight, her wisdom and her sense of humor. I hugely admire what she has achieved. I am sure it will be a great help to many people, and I have come away with new understanding after reading her book."
"An International Bestseller
2019 Hilary Weston Writers’ Trust Prize for Nonfiction Jury (Ivan Coyote
An International Bestseller Finalist For The 2019 Hilary Weston Writers’ Trust Prize For Nonfiction “As gripping a memoir as it is a commanding work of journalism. With a scope that ranges from intimate to panoramic, Anna Mehler Paperny expands outward from her own struggles with suicidal thoughts to explore the dizzying array of medical anti-depression treatments that are available around the world. Personable and passionate—and full of raucous, life-affirming humor—the book casts much-needed light on one of the most persistent and mystifying diseases of our time. This is an urgent read in societies such as ours, where, directly or otherwise, everyone’s life is increasingly affected by depression.”—2019 Hilary Weston Writers’ Trust Prize for Nonfiction Jury (Ivan Coyote, Trevor Herriot, and Manjushree Thapa) “I learned so much from [Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me ] about depression, its history, its treatment, and avenues for solutions. You’ll learn a great deal too from her engaging, and funny, and courageous book.”—Jackie Wolf, NPR’s Lifespan podcast “Journalist Mehler Paperny offers a startling and intimate portrait of her multiple attempts at suicide and digs into the disturbingly inadequate ‘toolbox’ available to individuals suffering from acute depression. . . .This earnest and informative volume serves as a frank guide for those dealing with depression.”—Publishers Weekly , starred review “Told with intimate understanding and heartwrenching humor, the book sheds some much-needed light on the far-reaching impacts of this unpredictable mental illness.”—Book Riot —Kirkus Reviews “This book documents [Paperny’s] effort to become acquainted with depression, for the sake of herself and others. She is a fine tour guide, with a reporter’s rigour, strong narrative skills and self-deprecating humour.”—Toronto Star “Raw, frank and dark-humored. It’s not a story of redemption or triumph. . . . But, in its unpretentiousness, the book is a must-read for those who want to understand what goes on in the heads of those who take their own lives each year . . . and the multiples more who, like the author, come perilously close. Ms. Mehler Paperny does a masterful job of delving into the complexities of living with depression, the challenges of getting the help you need and why it’s so difficult to prevent suicide.” —The Globe and Mail Andrew Solomon , author of The Noonday Demon “This is such an important book. . . . Paperny writes with urgency and intensity because she’s tapping into an essential truth: Everyone deserves dignified mental health care, but systemic injustices create huge discrepancies in how people are treated. I learned so much from this engaging, well-researched, courageous book. It belongs in the canon of ‘must-reads’ to understand mental health treatment today.”—Mark Lukach , author of My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward “[Paperny’s] skill as a journalist is evident both in the seamless ease with which she moves from one topic to another and in her ability to break down complex ideas into accessible and engaging prose. . . . It’s hard to imagine any group of people who wouldn’t benefit in some way from reading this book. Those who have been through the system will feel less alone in their experiences, and those who haven’t will gain necessary insight into what it’s like. Paperny ends not with the story of a triumphant recovery or a miraculous cure, but a call to arms: let’s fix this broken system. Her work will go a long way toward helping readers understand just how vital that need is.” —Quill and Quire —Ian Gill, The Tyee “Anna Mehler Paperny illuminates the dark corners of suicide and depression with wit and tenacity. Both an extraordinary work of journalism and a poignant, harrowing—and occasionally funny—memoir. Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me is fearless and necessary.”—Don Gillmor , author of To the River: Losing My Brother “Compelling . . . a very good book. People coping with depression will find it supportive as well as entertaining—Anna has a great sense of humor. I also think it will help educate the public.”—Dr. Marcia Valenstein , MD, MSc, psychiatrist at University of Michigan Hospitals and Veterans Affairs Ann Arbor Healthcare System “A remarkable book. . . . I am just so impressed by Anna’s honesty and rigor, her courage, her thorough research, her insight, her wisdom and her sense of humor. I hugely admire what she has achieved. I am sure it will be a great help to many people, and I have come away with new understanding after reading her book.”—Dr. Irfan Dhalla , MD, MSc, vice president of Health Quality Ontario, St. Michael’s Hospital “Anna’s the best journalist I know. Her story about the mental health care–system, as seen through her own experience, is an act of monumental bravery. This is a book that will save lives.”—Omar El Akkad, author of American War “Clear-eyed without being dispassionate, this book has so much to offer even the most well-versed in mental health issues. Anna Mehler Paperny goes far deeper than the surface conversations we usually have about depression, giving us the unvarnished reality of what it means to live with the feeling you want to die. Brave and brilliantly researched, this powerful book is poised to create real change, and is an absolute must read for those who have had their lives touched by depression—which is everyone.”—Stacey May Fowles, author of Be Good and Baseball Life Advice
2019-12-08
Paperny first tried to kill herself in 2011 by drinking antifreeze. Just 24 years old, the author seemed destined for success. She was writing for the Globe and Mail , her "dream newspaper," and had the love of a supportive family. However, a profound self-hatred continued to push toward self-annihilation for years after her first attempt. In this multipart memoir/depression exposé, Paperny tells the story of how she fought her way back to functionality while exploring treatment options and the experiences of fellow depression sufferers within the North American mental health system. First—and with a generous dose of sardonic humor—the author traces a journey to (relative) wellness that took her through several hospitals and crisis units. In the second section, she discusses the "fourteen different drugs in dozens of different combinations" she tried to combat her disease, none of which succeeded in completely eradicating her symptoms. She also examines other surgical options, such as electroconvulsive therapy and electrode implantation, and discusses the reasons why pharmaceutical companies have been reluctant to invest more in the development of new depression drugs. In the third part, Paperny explores the stigma associated with depression by presenting stories of men and women from a variety of backgrounds and how that stigma affected their lives. The author also looks at the way the mental health system is biased in favor of white and affluent patients and how rates of suicide have spiked among adolescents in the last decade. Paperny concludes with a brief section about the many troubling legal and ethical questions that can arise—e.g., "deciding when someone's too crazy to make decisions"—as a result of hospitalization. In this well-researched, engaging, and highly readable text, the author demystifies depression and calls for "compassionate, equitable [and] informed" care for what has become "the most fatal psychiatric phenomenon we're up against."
An eye-opening and humane book treatment of a difficult subject.
