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Susan Mac Nicol

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Living On Air Kindle Edition

by Susan Mac Nicol (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

4.1 158 ratings

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READERS' FAVORITE BOOK AWARD WINNER

PIERCING THE NIGHT

Cary Stilwell has been existing since he was ten years old, and each year it gets harder to find meaning in his bleak life. The only exception - his work. As a top-billed aerialist in a popular travelling circus, he enjoys accolades and applause, but little else. When notable photographer, Rhys McIntyre, joins the circus to catalogue its inner workings, Cary fights the attraction that hits him from the moment they meet. But a kind soul wrapped in a beautiful body has a way of battering all the walls Cary has built around his cold, dark heart.

WITH LIGHT

Rhys McIntyre is on his third iteration of reinventing himself. Once a hotdog financier, he embraced his passion for photography and became an eminent war photo journalist. Until one too many bullets lodged in his body, and he gave up the front lines for the softer side of chronicling life. When he accepts the assignment to record life in a circus, the last thing he expects is to find the man crush of his dreams. Except Cary Stilwell is a cold, tortured man who seems incapable of any warm emotion, never mind love. But Rhys is known for his persistence, and this time the pay-off might be more than he could have ever imagined.

Print length

238 pages
Language

English
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On Kindle Scribe
Publication date

February 21, 2018
File size

1400 KB
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Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B079Z3Z8GG
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Boroughs Publishing Group (February 21, 2018)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 21, 2018
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 1400 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 238 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #1,315,826 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #14,435 in Gay Fiction
- #23,763 in Gay Romance
- #40,833 in LGBTQ+ Romance (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.1 158 ratings

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Susan Mac Nicol

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The ‘Official’ stuff

Susan writes steamy, sexy, and fun contemporary romance stories, some suspenseful, some gritty and dark, and she hopes, always entertaining. She’s also Editor-in-Chief at Divine Magazine, an online entertainment e-zine, and a member of The Society of Authors, the Writers Guild of Great Britain, and the Authors Guild in the U.S.

Susan is also an award-winning screenplay writer, with scripts based on two of her own published works. Sight Unseen has garnered no less than ten awards to date, and her TV pilot Reel Life, based on her debut novel, Cassandra by Starlight, was also a winner at the Oaxaca Film Fest.

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4.1 out of 5

158 global ratings

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Erin O'Quinn

A tortured soul meets his redeemer in a brilliant five-star novel

Reviewed in the United States on June 7, 2018

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I thoroughly enjoyed this author’s novel LIVING ON AIR, the raw and realistic story of a circus performer and a cameraman. The characters, all of them, are finely drawn. Circus Diva Greta and her husband Julien, along with white-face clown Marco, lead a splendid supporting cast. None are more believable and relatable than the tortured aerialist Cary and photographer Rhys, the man whom he first reviles and then comes to need even more than the thin air he performs in and breathes.

Susan Mac Nicol always dares to be different. Cary Stilwell is one of the most intriguing and sympathetic characters I’ve ever encountered. His story is one of anguish, of pain both inflicted and self inflicted; and finally of redemption and release from intolerable psychic pain. If this sounds damn serious, it is. And yet the novel also has moments of comic relief, sexual tension, and even welcome release.

I’ve learned that Mac Nicol lived for a while in a circus in order to give realism to her novel. Her preparation shows! A reader breathes the atmosphere, thrills to the performers, feels the familial bonds, laughs and weeps with the characters. I’m sure she also steeped herself in the psychosis of self-harm, a mental disorder most people are only dimly aware of. Cary’s mental state is unbearable in its sadness. Instead of having Cary miraculously “cured by love,” Mac Nicol takes a more pragmatic approach and shows us the almost intolerable despair before bringing us back from the edge.

Just brilliant. The writing, the plot arc, the odyssey of the characters… In my opinion, this is one of the finest novels I’ve read in the gay romance genre.

A tortured soul meets his redeemer in a brilliant five-star novel.

9 people found this helpful

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Carrie Krogh

I liked it!!!

Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2018

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Living On Air is the first book that I’ve read by Susan Mac Nicol. I liked the author’s writing style, but at times there were too many clichés and comparatives. There are quite a few author warnings for this book. It delves into subjects some people may find disturbing. There are elements of the main character’s past that include pedophilia, the dark side of religion, and the horrors of war. Aspects of the story include self-harm, depression, and suicide, and the book is set in a circus where clowns are featured.

For me, the constant self-harm of the main character Cary was a little much as was his constant pushing away of everybody. I get that he’s lived through a horrible childhood trauma and childhood abuse, including rape, from an authoritative figure which leads to him joining the circus at the age of 10. But he’s been with this circus family for over twenty years and he’s still rude and mean to everybody except for a few people that he’s less mean to, like Marco—the circus clown, Julian, Greta—the owner of the circus, and Lucy—his fellow aerialist. I would have thought that after twenty years he would have been friendlier to them. I did like how Cary explains why he self-harms and the different things he uses like a box cutter, the custom-made cilice, razor blade, and in a pinch a broken plastic fork. I did think it was realistic that he had good days and bad days although for him it was more like bad days and worse days until photographer Rhys joined the circus to do a coffee table book about the circus, then he had more good days versus bad days.

I liked Cary. As someone who has experience with self-harm and childhood molestation, I could empathize with Cary. It really is a living one-day-at-a-time and battling feelings of self-worth and placing the blame on yourself for what happened, when it really wasn’t your fault. And any little thing can trigger a breakdown. Cary Stilwell has been existing since he was ten years old, and each year it gets harder to find meaning in his bleak life. The only exception—his work. As a top-billed aerialist in a popular traveling circus, he enjoys accolades and applause, but little else. When notable photographer, Rhys McIntyre, joins the circus to catalog its inner workings, Cary fights the attraction that hits him from the moment they meet. But a kind soul wrapped in a beautiful body has a way of battering all the walls Cary has built around his cold, dark heart, and Cary will go through some dark times as they start to crumble, especially when he finds out that his childhood abuser isn’t dead like he thought. Will that be his tipping point or will he finally learn how to rely on his chosen family for help?

I liked Rhys. He used to be a war photojournalist and has gotten burned out on being shot and the evilness of what humans are capable of. With PTSD flashbacks, Rhys is trying to do something on the softer side with his photography and takes an assignment to record the life in the circus. He didn’t expect to be so attracted to the cold and moody silk ribbon aerialist. But Rhys is known for his persistence, and he sure has his work cut out for him.

Throughout reading the story, I wasn’t sure if Cary was ever going to let Rhys into his life. Even after Rhys found out about his cutting, Cary still didn’t want to let him into his life or rely on him for help. And then just when I thought that they might make it, something tragic happens in the circus, and it prompts Cary to take care of his past, and he sends Rhys away until it’s been taken care of. This happens at seventy percent point in the book, and I was very worried about their relationship. Their relationship does get back on track, and I was happy with the ending, which for me was more of a happy for now ending.

***I would like to thank the author for the privilege and opportunity of reading this ARC. My review is an honest opinion of the book ***

5 people found this helpful

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GARY KAPLAN

Difficult but rewarding.

Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2019

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I confess there were moments when I wasn't sure if I could continue. There are elements to this story that are disturbing and made reading somewhat difficult. I do not mean difficult to understand. In point of fact, this book is beautifully and lucidly written. The characters are well developed and individualized. Moreover they engage our interest and sympathies, as they should. The story is poignant, and we root for the success of Cary and Rhys. In the final analyses, it is a richly rewarding story that pays handsome dividends for our patience and we know those disturbing elements were necessary to our ultimate understanding and enjoyment.

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BY

Truly worth the read. Everything a good book should be.

Reviewed in Canada on May 10, 2020

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Poignant, romantic, some sadness and a lot of love. This story touched all the aspects of life that truly makes us human. Shows that horrible experiences can affect deeply but can be conquered with support , and love. Lots of humour too. I highly recommend it.

Love2Read

Insightful, compelling and very well written!

Reviewed in Germany on August 19, 2018

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If you are familiar with the books from Susan Mac Nicol, you'll know that she's never one to take the easy way. Her characters are complex and there won't be lots of flowers and chocolate, and the white picket fence takes time to build, if ever. Gosh, how I loved the Men Of London Series, or Sight Unseen, all of those men had their crosses to bear, in one way or another. But after spending now quite some time with Cary in Living On Air, I truly can say that the author outdid herself. The books topic, I'm sure, needed a lot of research, its heavy content isn't something you just can pull out of your sleeve.

Let’s talk about Cary Stilwell, the very broken man, from whom we get insight into over 20+ years of sorrow, grief, guilt and self-destruction. Page by page, chapter by chapter we learn more of his past, a past no human being should ever have to see, let alone to endure. Pain the only thing that's giving him comfort, that's grounding him, apart from living on air. When photographer Rhys McIntyre joins the circus, Cary's demons are getting even worse. The attraction for the wet dream of a man, brings up long forgotten feelings that he's not worthy of, or so he thinks. Nobody can know his secret, ever! What good would it do? And love can't heal everything, or can it?

Rhys had been seeing quite a bit of the world, had been in many war zones and seen the worst of humanity. But meeting with the sexy, frustrating, complex and annoying as crap air dancer makes every war zone look like child’s play. One step forward, two steps back. Hot and cold. Fire and Ice. Even though Rhys presence becoming a balm for Cary's tormented soul, the two men have a long and stony way to go before it's been getting them anywhere. The tears for a clown and a letter are the crucial turning point in their destiny. But not the way Rhys had been hoping for and the world around them had been falling of its axis yet again…

In any case Living On Air is an exceptional book, insightful, compelling and very well written. Highly recommended!

FIFI

Susan Mac Nicol’s Best book so far...in my opinion!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 7, 2018

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I have been eagerly awaiting the release of this book from one of my 'go to' authors, Susan Mac Nicol. She has been teasing us for months with little snippets and we have followed her journey from the outset; sometimes literally, as she travelled with a circus for her research. To say writing this book has required effort, is an understatement, but believe me it shows.

This is a well constructed and superbly crafted piece of writing.

Living on Air is a book about Cary Stilwell who is an Air Dancer with the Trazellas Circus. He is the central character and is utterly mesmerising. He exists rather than lives, as a result of a devastating and hideous childhood that was filled with sexual abuse and horror. He lost his family in the most horrendous crime at the age of 10 and has been running from his memories ever since.

We meet Cary at the age of 33, having honed his air dancing skills by travelling the world and learning from the best, however, he always returns to Trazellas and it is here we see him trying to survive. way in which Cary copes with heightened stress and pressure is by self-harming, and he has perfected a particularly vicious and painful way to administer this to himself. No one knows; he suffers alone. Whist his circus family love and support him, particularly his 'mother' Greta, Cary prefers not to form attachments to anyone and wallows grumpily in his self pity.

Until Rhys McIntyre arrives to turn Cary's world upside down.

The two men have chemistry. Of that there is no doubt. But Cary doesn't do naked, or love, or even nice. Rhys on the other hand is a world class photographic journalist with an optimistic view of life despite the horrors he has seen through his work. As a hiatus from war zones and death defying shoots; Rhys is commissioned to take photos of the circus for a coffee table style book. Cary is the main subject, which requires Rhys to travel around with him for weeks to capture the perfect shot. He captures more than that as Cary begins to unravel in the best and worst way...discoveries are made that threaten to shatter both their lives, and tentative connections are made and broken over and over.

The book is Susan MacNicol's best to date, in my opinion, and I am a huge fan of her work. It is a sensitive yet brutal exploration of one man's mission to self destruct on both an emotional and physical level. It is a study of love and how it can conquer even the most broken of men.....if permitted. It is graphic in it is intense portrayal of Cary's self harming, yet nothing feels gratuitous. The sexual encounters are emotive and the author leaves us as frustrated as her characters through her evocative descriptions. I experienced angst, sadness, pity, horror, arousal and tenuous happiness along with the characters at various points of the story. It was not entirely unpredictable, but the plot was enthralling with twists and turns all the way through that were both thrilling and disturbing; sometimes gratifying, but most times gasp worthy!

I wanted a happy ever after for Cary and Rhys. Did they get it? Read the book and find out....

3 people found this helpful

MMBook Reader

4.5 Stars I wanted to give Cary a big hug.

Reviewed in Australia on February 25, 2018

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4.5 stars.🌟 This is a gorgeous story for Cary and Rhys. Their first meeting wasn't easy even though there was something buzzing between them. The story is well written and researched on circus life. I looked forward to reading this since it was a circus story which had special meaning for me. I loved the ending of this for them both. Cary had me worried and concerned for him. This book was a hard read sometimes with certain scenes playing out with subject matters. Self-harm and suicide are included in the story.
Cary lived with pain and needed it to get him through at times. Cary had his motor home with the circus. Cary 33 yrs was one of the aerialist who worked for Greta his adopted mum who really cared for him.
Rhys 29 yrs was a photographer and loved it who'd do anything for the perfect shot. A previous stock broker now armed with his camera he'd seen war and now wanted nature. Back home after being away he gets a call about a possible assignment at a circus.

2 people found this helpful

DM

3.5 Stars Rounded Upto 4

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 4, 2018

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Though I liked and enjoyed this book, it was also frustrating. Maybe it's the pedant in this reader, but there were a number of issues that stood out to me. Warning - slight spoilers:
How did a 10 year old boy just appear & then hide from all kinds of authorities? What about school? Doctors? Then work - NI/bank account/passport (for travel across Europe) with a made up identity? These issues kept springing to mind as I read about Cary's travels and work. How did he learn to drive & get a driver's licence? This is probably naievty on this reader's part for not knowing the shady dealings of this circus world, but it did... irritate. That and the fact that the story needed a good editor. The story changes perspectives at the beginning of each chapter and in one of the latter chapters, had to do a double-back & re-read as it was labelled as being from Rhys' perspective (strange Welsh name for a Scot), but was in fact from Cary's. There were a few other editing issues I noticed too.
To be honest, these did detract from the overall enjoyment of the book, combined with the BIG coincidence of Laird/Cameron, which did make me roll my eyes slightly. That said, overall it tackled the serious subjects of abuse and it's consequences well, though my use of Google to search up certain terms/items and translate did interrupt the read.
Haven't read a book by this author in a while having been put off by Double Alchemy, which I just didn't like. Have read a few others and it will make me revisit her as an author. For me this was a 3.5* book, rounded up to 4.

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