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ConCom: Conflict Communication A New Paradigm in Conscious Communication Kindle Edition
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateFebruary 26, 2014
- File size694 KB
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Editorial Reviews
Review
…a priceless skill... -- Jack Hoban
Should be mandatory reading… -- Tony Blauer, Blauer Tactical Systems
Concise, helpful, and well-organized, this is strongly recommended reading for those interested in learning to verbally de-escalate violence. ― Foreword Reviews
A manual of advice born of long experience with violence…Unpleasant but useful information, particularly for those who routinely come in contact with highly aggressive people. ― Kirkus
The standard by which others [writing] on the subject shall be judged. -- Steve Perry, New York Times bestselling author, Shadows of the Empire
Won't just help your relationships, it just might save your life. -- Alain B. Burrese, JD
A set of extremely effective tools for predicting, avoiding, and managing conflicts. -- MAJ Gregory Postal, MD
Breaks out of the martial arts and law enforcement genre... -- Jeffrey Cooper, MD, Emergency Physician, Tactical Physician, 6th Dan, Okinawan Goju-Ryu Karate
About the Author
Rory Miller is a writer and teacher living peacefully in the Pacific Northwest.
He has served for seventeen years in corrections as an officer and sergeant working maximum security, booking and mental health; leading a tactical team; and teaching subjects ranging from Defensive Tactics and Use of Force to First Aid and Crisis Communications with the Mentally Ill. For fourteen months he was an advisor to the Iraqi Corrections System working in Baghdad and Kurdish Sulaymaniyah. Somewhere in the midst of that he received a BS degree in Psychology; served in the National Guard as a Combat Medic (91A/B); earned college varsities in judo and fencing and received a mokuroku in jujutsu. He has drunk chichu with reformed cannibals and 18-year-old scotch with generals...and loves long sword fights on the beach.
Product details
- ASIN : B00IO9TTAG
- Accessibility : Learn more
- Publication date : February 26, 2014
- Language : English
- File size : 694 KB
- Simultaneous device usage : Unlimited
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 191 pages
- Page Flip : Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #361,814 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

The serious bio:
Rory Miller is a seventeen-year veteran of a metropolitan correctional system. He spent seventeen years, including ten as a sergeant, with the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office in Portland Oregon. His assignments included Booking, Maximum Security, Disciplinary and Administrative Segregation, and Mental Health Units. He was a CERT (Corrections Emergency Response Team) member for over eleven years and Team Leader for six.
His training has included over eight hundred hours of tactical training; witness protection and close-quarters handgun training with the local US Marshals; Incident Command System; Instructor Development Courses; AELE Discipline and Internal Investigations; Hostage Negotiations and Hostage Survival; Integrated Use of Force and Confrontational Simulation Instructor; Mental Health; Defensive Tactics, including the GRAPLE instructors program; Diversity; and Supervision.
Rory has designed and taught courses including Confrontational Simulations; Uncontrolled Environments; Crisis Communications with the Mentally Ill; CERT Operations and Planning; Defensive Tactics; and Use of Force for Multnomah County and other local agencies.
In 2008 Rory Miller left his agency to spend over a year in Iraq with the Department of Justice ICITAP program as a civilian advisor to the Iraqi Corrections System.
He has a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, a blackbelt in jujutsu and college varsities in judo and fencing. He also likes long walks on the beach.
His writings have been featured in Loren Christensen’s “Fighter’s Fact Book 2: The Street” Kane and Wilder’s “Little Black Book of Violence” and “The Way to Blackbelt.” Rory is the author of “Meditations on Violence: A Comparison of Martial Arts Training and Real World Violence” published by YMAA; “Violence: A Writer’s Guide” published by Samshwords; and the soon-to-be-released “Facing Violence” out in May 2011 from YMAA.
Less serious:
How to make a Rory:
First you take a kid and raise him without electricity or running water or television. Especially television. You get a whacked out doctor to convince his parents that he has a birth defect such that if he ever loses muscle tone his joints will spontaneously dislocate, so you encourage hyperactivity. Instill a love of reading and introduce to meditation at a young age. Teach him to hunt and track. Send him away to college at the age of seventeen painfully aware that he has almost no experience with people. Arrange for him to luck into world-class trainers in his first martial arts. Let him obsess on martial arts even at the expense of his school work. At some point he will get a need to go someplace strange, maybe Reno, and do something different, like be a bouncer. Let him, he'll come back. When he comes back, if he falls in love with the right princess ('cause every thug needs a princess) he'll start doing crazy things like joining the national guard and working in a jail. Let him. He'll discover that he has a way with violent and crazy people and might wind up doing stuff like running a tactical team and teaching officer survival skills and designing classes and teaching jujutsu. If he has an ugly year (and he will) he'll start writing. If he gets really bored he will suddenly quit and go to Baghdad. We're still waiting to see how that part turns out.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book provides extremely good insights, particularly for professionals, with one review highlighting its usefulness in understanding conflict. Moreover, the writing is simple and clear, making it an excellent read.
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Customers find the book provides extremely good insights, with professionals particularly benefiting from its clear understanding of the subject matter and thought-provoking content.
"...Especially helpful to teachers, instructors, trainers, managers and professionals dealing with the public, those wondering how to solve the riddles..." Read more
"...It is for anyone who has to productively communicate and do so when emotions are high and the other party does NOT want to hear what you have to say..." Read more
"...The material is not new, just very well repackaged. The messages are very clear...." Read more
"...However, in some ways I felt this was the weakest section. The information was good, but I felt the author did not go into enough detail on certain..." Read more
Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as a brilliant work that deserves multiple reads.
"...Highly recommended reading and reference handbook to anyone who is a person who interacts with other people and wants to understand us all better...." Read more
"Out of the gate I just want to say, I love this book. It is not just for LEOs and first responders...." Read more
"...ConCom” is another fine book by Rory Miller. Mr. Miller has spent years in police and prison duties...." Read more
"This is a wonderful book, highly recommended, and great for all audiences from Law Enforcement, to Parents, to High School Students(!),..." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read, describing it as simple, clear, and user-friendly.
"...and child teaching programs it is refreshing to read an easy to reference handbook...." Read more
"...of Rory Miller's work, this is a practical, real-world, readily applicable skill set you can use immediately...." Read more
"...The messages are very clear. The writing is concise, as one would expect from an experienced policeman...." Read more
"...; He has the rare gift of being able to address very subtle cues in a clear and easily understood manner...." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2014Coming from a background in Communications Theory, 20 plus years in business as a manager of high pressure projects and people, and adults and child teaching programs it is refreshing to read an easy to reference handbook. ConCom describes so well the roots of both interpersonal and group conflicts in a way that anyone can relate to others and make use of.
The author promotes a model that is both practical and objectively derived from known human communication behaviors. People act and think in patterns, in speech and in daily habits. Where these patterns are generated from is explained well in the accepted tri-brain model ConCom is based in, but applying that theory to a specific study of clashes between group and individual communication patterns puts an objective perspective on those human crossroads. People in all walks of daily life may see some of this as common sense, but never will all of it be for all of us. Such is the nature of having only our own personally created view of the world. The author provides us a reliable way to articulate our experiences of conflict with and between all other views we may come in contact with. That in turn reveals the first tool for change ...or the manipulation of the patterns that hold so many people hostage when dysfunctional or less than helpful.
Highly recommended reading and reference handbook to anyone who is a person who interacts with other people and wants to understand us all better. Especially helpful to teachers, instructors, trainers, managers and professionals dealing with the public, those wondering how to solve the riddles of relationship challenges in business, friendships and family, or anyone who can't stand knowing they should be smart enough to resolve issues but can't seem get past the same old patterns of conflict in their situation.
Bravo!
-Bill
- Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2021Out of the gate I just want to say, I love this book. It is not just for LEOs and first responders. It is for anyone who has to productively communicate and do so when emotions are high and the other party does NOT want to hear what you have to say, and vice versa. The description of the different parts of your brain and how they work in a conflict is what makes this book really tick and offers you a great filter to view your fellow traveler on the conflict journey through, and also to look at yourself and gut check where you are in whatever mess you find yourself in.
This is psychology you can use right now, and if you apply this, it will make you more capable in bad situations when you need to talk things through and keep them from escalating further. I would highly recommend this one along with "Difficult Conversations" and "Verbal Judo." I've had the opportunity to take part in high end communication and conflict resolution training and this book is the equal of most of that training. As is typical of Rory Miller's work, this is a practical, real-world, readily applicable skill set you can use immediately. I've found this useful in both personal and professional situations and would highly recommend it.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 16, 2015Review – ConCom: Conflict Communications
“ConCom” is another fine book by Rory Miller. Mr. Miller has spent years in police and prison duties. He has written this book, as all of his other books, from his experiences teaching these same techniques to rookies in both areas.
Mr Miller divides the personality into “lizard,” “monkey,” and “human.” He identifies “scripts” or habits of speech and action that become second nature to us, and dissects these as to which part of the persohality they originate from, and what their purpose is. From this Mr Miller refines a discussion on personality types and how to deal with them. The material is not new, just very well repackaged. The messages are very clear.
The writing is concise, as one would expect from an experienced policeman. The ideas are crisply present with good examples throughout. The material is referenced not only to police and interpersonal interactions with much space given to predator / victim interactions.
The book takes about 4 hours to read, but is similar to Sun Tsu's work in that meaning drips from every sentence and so is rather dense. The vocabulary and reading level are at an excellent level for most adults, not insultingly simple, nor overly complicated.
I highly recommend this book for those wanting to understand personal interactions in a simple to understand format.
Top reviews from other countries
- Ron A.Reviewed in Australia on November 19, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Game changer!
An effective, thorough, simple to understand guide on conflict and communication that can be applied to everyday life. Cannot recommend enough!
- N. PlumbleyReviewed in the United Kingdom on April 25, 2014
5.0 out of 5 stars Psychology about Average Joe, for Average Joe.
I bought this book just after I had, "The Chimp Paradox". That's a good book, but while it may fit an elite athlete, I didn't think it was altogether me. If you are more run of the mill, like most people, this fills in the holes.
While most people who by this book will be interested in self protection, this book not only covers the psychology involved in that field, but extends it into more everyday life. It's easily understandable and uses examples we can all relate to.
An interesting, useful and relevant book for anyone, whether they are martial artists or not.
One person found this helpfulReport - Kindle CustomerReviewed in Spain on April 27, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Completamente satisfecho/ Completely satisfied.
As I have become accustomed From Mr Miller and Co.
A vast knowledge well explained. thanks for sharing.
- RRReviewed in Canada on December 9, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars A Gem for those who keep the gears of our ever changing world running with their blood and sweat
This book has revolutionized the way I interact with people. I have 12 years of experience working with the most difficult sectors of the population ranging from the mentally ill and/or addicted to narcotics to homeless and habitual criminals and this book has laid a foundation that has improved my relationships with everyone I interact with and develop rapport to ensure success that most of my peers can never seem to achieve whilst maintaining a reputation and being respected in an environment where losing respect can have high costs. Rory is one of the few out there who talks about and is able to present The basic concepts that only those who work in the real world and have to interact with people at their worst are familiar with but never seem to be able to codify. Even the best Social Workers, Psychiatrists, Doctors , Police Officers, Security etc that I have worked with only come to scratch the surface of concepts of dynamic interaction that Rory so eloquently yet simply presents and puts to light in an unapologetic true to life way that is sorely needed in our ever changing world.
- YoosDeeReviewed in France on April 7, 2015
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Practical Guide to ConCom
A hands-on, very practical guide on how to handle conflict communications. While many models exist to explain or behavior in different contexts, from Maslow to Goleman, the one proposed by Rory Miller best fit the subject of predictable behavior: the Triune Brain models. As scientific theories, all models including Maslow’s Hierarchy, Goleman or the Triune Brain have "holes you could drive a truck through" as indicated by Mr Miller: if Maslow was correct, no hungry people could produce art and no soldier going into battle could write a poem. The neuroscience of the brain is much more complex than three simplistic levels. Properly applied though, Mr Miller's detailed model has remarkable predictive power in conflict situations not only in self-defence, but also in corporate or private life.
According to his real life experience in the toughest situations, Rory Miller explains how our three brains (the Lizard, the Monkey and the Human) interact together:
1. Kids would use their Lizard when playing video games for instance.
2. The Monkey is completely concerned with social behavior, with status and what other people might think. Because most of the conflict we experience comes from this level, the Monkey scripts embedded in our brains since the earliest times of humankind drive a lot of current human conflict behavior.
3. The Human brain (or neocortex) is thoughtful, and solves problems rationally (but only as good as its information). It is also the slowest and least powerful of the three.
Both the Lizard and the Monkey are extremely fast in response, but not very smart. They do not solve problems and as such, they have to rely on pre-determined scripts, which are pervasive and cover almost all areas of human interaction. The scripts benefit the group by ensuring stability. That repeated argument you have with your significant other? Your Monkey brain is comforted: if you have been having the same argument for five years, the relationship has gone five years without serious change. All is well. Rory Miller explains how such scripts are and why they have worked through history and pre-history, to get the most people through alive.
It is an excellent analysis full of down-to-earth advice on how to best handle ConCom, whether in corporate, private of self-defence environments.