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Paul Mathews
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We Have Lost The Coffee: A Crazy Caffeine Comedy Kindle Edition

by Paul Mathews (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.0 out of 5 stars 984 ratings

London, 2045. Three months into the Coffee Wars and Britain’s caffeine supplies are at critical levels. Brits are drinking even more tea than usual, keeping a stiff upper lip and praying for an end to it all.

A secret Government coffee stockpile could save the day … but then mysteriously disappears overnight.

One man is asked to unravel the missing-coffee mystery. His name is Pond. Howie Pond. And he’s in desperate need of a triple espresso. Meanwhile, his journalist wife, Britt, is hunting royal fugitive Emma Windsor on the streets of the capital.

Can Howie save the British Republic from caffeine-starved chaos? Will the runaway royal be found? And just what will desperate coffee drinkers do for their next caffeine fix? Find out, in this fabulously frothy comedy romp set in a Britain of the future.

Amazon #1 Best Seller in Comedy, Dark Comedy, British Humor & Satire and Political Humor

This steaming-hot comedy-thriller from coffee addict Paul Mathews contains mug-fulls of British humour, big lumps of laughter and a generous splash of satire. With enough coffee jokes to keep you awake all night, it's guaranteed to set your pulse racing faster than a quadruple espresso.

So what are you waiting for? Grab it while it's piping hot and treat yourself to a coffee comedy to go!

What The Reviews Say:

"Great fun! Fast-paced comedy and suspense with a generous serving of satire. You'll want to read the series."

"I don't even like coffee ... but this book was still terrific. I love how so many of the side characters continue to appear in these novels. Makes it feel more real ... I read it on a plane and startled my seatmate a few times when I couldn't suppress the giggles. Fast-paced and fun, with a light mystery woven into the fabric. Howie and Britt rock. I can't wait for the next one!"

"Great book! Really funny quirky English humor! I am starting on the first book now, We Have Lost The President. But books are easily read independently."

"A real kick ... And a fun read."

"I have read all three of the 'We Have Lost the ...' books, and they started out good and are getting better ... The characters are 3-dimensional, well developed, likable and consistent throughout. The story lines are fun, and the humor will make you laugh out loud at times. Thank you, Mr. Mathews."

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  1. Book 3 of 5
    We Have Lost
  2. Print length
    288 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publication date
    June 28, 2017
  5. File size
    3.6 MB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Before giving up his job in London for a life of writing, Paul Mathews was a government press officer for sixteen years. He has also worked in public relations and as an accountant.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B072MJXKNL
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ June 28, 2017
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ 1st
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3.6 MB
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Book 3 of 5 ‏ : ‎ We Have Lost
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.0 out of 5 stars 984 ratings

About the author

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Paul Mathews

Paul Mathews

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Paul Mathews is a quite funny British guy whose sharp, satirical – often surreal – sense of humour has been honed during nearly half a century of not taking life too seriously. He gains inspiration from his love of good food, Earl Grey tea, four-legged animals & the quirks and quibbles of British life. You can visit his website at www.quitefunnyguy.com. Or not. Whatever.

Customer reviews

4 out of 5 stars
984 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book mildly amusing with spot-on puns and jokes, and appreciate its suspenseful plot with many twists and turns. The readability receives positive feedback, with one customer noting the well-written dialogue. The character development receives mixed reactions, with some praising the great characters while others find them goofy.

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55 customers mention "Humor"43 positive12 negative

Customers find the book mildly amusing at times, with puns and jokes that are spot on, making it a fun escape that's well suited for a few hours of enjoyment.

"...It was quite humorous, but more than that I enjoyed the intrique. A well written gripping tale of espionage & a future I pray never happens...." Read more

"...Imaginative, but not so likable.. All in all, an interesting read and fun escape for a lightweight, reading-on-a-Kindle in bed experience." Read more

"...leaders are doing during meetings, this book is a great and funny behind the scenes view......." Read more

"...this novel funny (maybe I don't get British humor), it is mildly amusing at times and has some great characters...." Read more

13 customers mention "Suspenseful"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book suspenseful with many twists and turns, and one customer describes it as a gripping tale of espionage.

"...A well written gripping tale of espionage & a future I pray never happens...." Read more

"...I liked the back and forth chapters, first with Howie and then with Britt as the prominent character. The people are believable and engaging...." Read more

"...I like the style of alternating chapters describing the adventures of Howie and Britt...." Read more

"...all three of the "We Have Lost the ..." books, and they started out good and are getting better...." Read more

9 customers mention "Readability"7 positive2 negative

Customers find the book readable, with one noting the well-written dialogue and another appreciating the author's style.

"Another goofy piece by Mathews, readable but not that great...." Read more

"Paul Matthews has a way with words which makes this a fun read. I enjoy his hapless hero and his friends as well" Read more

"...What a marvelous writer Paul Mathews is! I'm in awe of how well written the dialogue is & how wonderfully the characters were developed...." Read more

"This book proved to be so tedious to read that it is one of the few books I start that I just can't finish...." Read more

12 customers mention "Character development"8 positive4 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the characters in the book, with some finding them great and even goofier, while others couldn't connect with them.

"...The people are believable and engaging...." Read more

"...the characters are even goofier and to this reader seem to have run their course, predictable and just play silly. Go figure!" Read more

"...it is mildly amusing at times and has some great characters...." Read more

"...The characters are 3-dimensional, well developed, likable and consistent throughout...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Jamie C
    5.0 out of 5 stars Americano horror
    Reviewed in the United States on February 15, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    This American couldn't wrap her mind around the idea that all the coffee could disappear AND that Brits would want coffee instead of tea....OH THE HORROR! BUT, this book wasn't scary at all. It was quite humorous, but more than that I enjoyed the intrique. A well written gripping tale of espionage & a future I pray never happens. This is the first book I read because anything having to do with coffee has to be amazing, right? It was and I'll be reading the rest throughout this year!
    One person found this helpful
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  • Stephanie Daily
    4.0 out of 5 stars Losing a commodity like coffee would be disastrous!
    Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    This is the third in the "We Have Lost" series by Paul Mathews and better than the first two. The author has done a great job of introducing us to positive and negative characters in his books. This one seems to be the best as far as organization and content and ties the story together well. I'm still thrown by the futuristic world, and the bleepers are kind of annoying. I liked the back and forth chapters, first with Howie and then with Britt as the prominent character. The people are believable and engaging. The goofiness of a dysfunctional president and all the vice presidents and the idea that the royal family has escaped to the US is an interesting concept. Imaginative, but not so likable.. All in all, an interesting read and fun escape for a lightweight, reading-on-a-Kindle in bed experience.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Jennifer L Ault
    3.0 out of 5 stars Sweet
    Reviewed in the United States on November 16, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    This humorous light-hearted story was a little too light for me. The banter was predictable and lacked depth. Regardless, the story idea was fun and fresh. The story moved quickly . I will continue to follow this series to see how the author develops.
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  • Arnold Steekelenburg
    5.0 out of 5 stars Never knew loosing coffee was such fun
    Reviewed in the United States on August 16, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    I really enjoyed this third book in the "We've lost...." series.
    If you'd like to know what your countries leaders are doing during meetings, this book is a great and funny behind the scenes view....
    I like the style of alternating chapters describing the adventures of Howie and Britt.
    However it makes it a lot more difficult to put the book down to participate in real life activities. The plot keeps playing in your head waiting for answers.
    Looking forward to the next book. Btw. just saw some Chihuahuas?!
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Nelda
    4.0 out of 5 stars Great Characters
    Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    While I didn't find this novel funny (maybe I don't get British humor), it is mildly amusing at times and has some great characters. Howie Pond, who will allow his need for food all the time to delay his mild James Bond-like investigations, and Britt, the love interest and investigative reporter, have alternate chapters devoted to their investigations. They get in lots of scrapes, but get together in the end, sometimes over coffee--when the politicians haven't confiscated, "tariffed" or taxed it to death. Finding the missing coffee and keeping politicians in line keep Howie and Britt too busy to enjoy coffee anyway--that is if they could find it.
    Helpful
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  • Brandy S
    5.0 out of 5 stars Funny and Suspenseful
    Reviewed in the United States on December 10, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    First, the puns and jokes are spot on. I haven't laughed so hard at a book in years. Every time I opened this book I wanted another cup of coffee, and a British secret agent. For anyone who hasn't read the other books of the series, like myself, this book works just fine as a stand alone or an introduction. I definitely plan on reading the first few, and look forward to more dry humor from Mathews.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Gloria F. Witham
    4.0 out of 5 stars We may have lost the coffee, but Paul Mathews has not lost his sense of humor. Thank Goodness.
    Reviewed in the United States on July 20, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    I have read all three of the "We Have Lost the ..." books, and they started out good and are getting better. The British willingness to make gentle fun of themselves, their government, and their conventions is refreshing and shows a healthy national self confidence. I wish we still had that here in the "New States". The characters are 3-dimensional, well developed, likable and consistent throughout. The story lines are fun, and the humor will make you laugh out loud at times. I am waiting for #4. Thank you, Mr. Mathews.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Horacio
    2.0 out of 5 stars readable but not that great. the characters are even goofier and to this ...
    Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Another goofy piece by Mathews, readable but not that great. the characters are even goofier and to this reader seem to have run their course, predictable and just play silly. Go figure!
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Amazon makes me spend money
    5.0 out of 5 stars Another great read
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 22, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Another fantastic read! Having read all three I can definitely say his writing style is now established. The characters are now thoroughly rounded and I can picture what they look like (my version). The story again is great. A satirical look at government and a potential for our future world. Who knows but highly recommend (and read the first two to get the back story). Can't wait for the next one!
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  • Kindle Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Imagine life without coffee?
    Reviewed in Australia on December 8, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    Succeeds in funny without dipping into the rediculous. A light hearted but pacy journey through the coffee wars.
    Despite its ligheartedness the characters do achieve some dimension, we know who they are this aids the telling
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  • JONNO WILSON
    5.0 out of 5 stars We have found the universe
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 10, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    Book 3 in this series sees the characters becoming familiar and entertaining. This is really enjoyable for anyone looking to immerse themselves in an alternate future and have some fun along the way. The only downside is that I always end up hungry reading about Howie!
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