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Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition Paperback – Bargain Price, December 26, 2007

4.4 out of 5 stars 1,371 ratings

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Originally published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of couples attain more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. The 20th anniversary edition contains extensive revisions to this groundbreaking book, with a new chapter, new exercises, and a foreword detailing Dr. Hendrix’s updated philosophy for eliminating allnegativity from couples’ daily interactions, allowing readers of the 2008 edition to benefit from his ongoing discoveries during his last two decades of work.

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., in partnership with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD., originated Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents. Together they have more than thirty years’ experience as educators and therapists and their work has been translated into more than 50 languages, with Imago practiced by two thousand therapists worldwide. Harville and Helen have six children and live in New York and New Mexico.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Hendrix provides much insight into how spouses can mature through one another.” ―Booklist

“Harville Hendrix offers the best program I've seen for using the love/hate energy in marriage to help a couple heal one another and to become whole together.” ―
T. George Harris, Editor-in-Chief, American Health

“I know of no better guide for couples who genuinely desire a maturing relationship.” ―
M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled

Getting the Love You Want is a remarkable book--the most incisive and persuasive I have ever read on the knotty problems of marriage relationships.” ―Ann Roberts, former president, Rockefeller Family Fund

Getting the Love You Want provides a road map for partners seeking a path to intimacy and passionate friendship.” ―Marion Solomon, Ph.D.

“This book will help any couple find the love they want hidden under all the concealing confusion of a close and intimate relationship. I have seen these principles in application and they work!” ―
James A. Hall, M.D.

About the Author

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., has more than thirty years of experience as an educator, public lecturer, and therapist. His work has been translated into more than fifty languages and Imago Therapy is practiced in thirty countries. Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, are the co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy. They have six children and live in New Jersey and New Mexico.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Henry Holt & Co
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ December 26, 2007
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ Revised and Updated
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 384 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0805087001
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0805087000
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.32 x 1.01 x 8.02 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 out of 5 stars 1,371 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
1,371 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book incredibly insightful and life-changing, appreciating its readability for lay audiences and its empathetic approach. Moreover, the material condition is excellent, and customers consider it good value for money. Additionally, the book is filled with great exercises. However, customers have mixed opinions about its effectiveness, with some finding it effective while others say it's not so workable. The pacing receives mixed feedback, with customers noting it's fast but slow in the beginning, particularly in the first section.

297 customers mention "Information quality"278 positive19 negative

Customers find the book incredibly insightful, helping them understand themselves and others, with one customer noting how it provides impetus to make more conscious decisions.

"...Later my friends bough even more for their friends. This book is a total eye opener for someone who went from religion to drinking, from dating..." Read more

"...psyche to heal some of your personal wounds this book will be a tremendous help on the way to a deeper understanding of yourself amd of others...." Read more

"...It can broaden your thinking and open new ideas to yourself and reflect much on past and where you want to be in the future." Read more

"...This book does not approach marital problems from a religious "you got to stay together because that's what God wants" point of view...." Read more

210 customers mention "Readability"189 positive21 negative

Customers find the book readable and fantastic, with one customer noting it's a terrific followup to the original work.

"...The personal insights alone were worth the read, but to have a road map of healing myself and helping my husband to heal were priceless...." Read more

"This is a wonderful book for understanding why we pick people in romantic love and how our overall decisions in relationships have to do with our..." Read more

"...So, all in all, it is a great book if you get the correct version!..." Read more

"...you the keys you need to understand yourself and others in a very clearly written, no-nonsense, easily understandable format...." Read more

21 customers mention "Emotional content"17 positive4 negative

Customers appreciate the book's emotional content, noting its empathetic and compassionate approach, with one customer mentioning how it explains past traumas.

"...take it to the next level and truly heal each other and make each other happy...." Read more

"...it is very intense with theory and application, it does resonate to the core of the heart and matter!..." Read more

"...Ideal for people who are curious, open, fair-minded and sincere about understanding why they do the things they do...." Read more

"...Gets to the root of why we choose the partners we do and gives a clear route back to harmony...." Read more

16 customers mention "Material condition"16 positive0 negative

Customers are satisfied with the physical condition of the book, noting that it arrives in perfect shape.

"...stories are a little cheesy, but overall, I think that the material is applicable, and can absolutely be beneficially to strengthen your marriage if..." Read more

"...Reading this book just made it even stronger. We went through it and talked and really connected even more...." Read more

"...the book arrived in perfect condition but i was quite surprised at how long it took to ship and be delivered...." Read more

"The book arrived sooner than expected and was in like new condition. Very pleased with the purchase. The book has been a good read so far...." Read more

12 customers mention "Value for money"9 positive3 negative

Customers find the book to be a great value, with one customer noting that marriage books are cheaper than counseling.

"...It's an incredible value for the content (all unabridged, 8 disks)...." Read more

"...The way I figure it, marriage books are far cheaper than marriage counseling, so would I buy again? Definitely!" Read more

"...It was a complete waste of money for me! It was not helpful at all and didn't really tell me "how to get the love I want."" Read more

"...Absolutely worth the time, money, and effort to read and complete." Read more

9 customers mention "Exercises"9 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the exercises in the book, with one describing them as powerful.

"...Instead it gives a series of mental exercises to help us better understand why we think the way we do and why we feel some of the things we feel...." Read more

"...Even if you're not religious or spiritual, this book is powerful. I recommend getting the workbook as well...." Read more

"This is an incredibly insightful book that is filled with great exercises that work to bring you and your partner together...." Read more

"...for making marriage work, is a very good book, with lots of exercises to maintain or work towards a healthy and happy marriage...." Read more

19 customers mention "Effectiveness"13 positive6 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the book's effectiveness, with some finding it effective while others report it is not so workable.

"...choose your partner more consciously and go into it with better tools to make it successful. Excellent book...." Read more

"...what the therapy was trying to accomplish and was based on real outcomes research. It is clearly written and understandable...." Read more

"...It was a complete waste of money for me! It was not helpful at all and didn't really tell me "how to get the love I want."" Read more

"...what they really want in a relationship and work differences out before they escalates into trouble...." Read more

15 customers mention "Pacing"8 positive7 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the pacing of the book, with some finding it fast and updated, while others note that the beginning is slow, particularly in the first section.

"...is that this 20th anniversary edition is the most up to date, improved version that is supported by actual stories of success...." Read more

"...2. The author tended to oversimplify the stories and scenarios and offered very simplistic and unsatisfying explanations...." Read more

"A very good book the information is helpful and timely, reading is easy to understand...." Read more

"...This material definitely loses something when it is read like a bad dramatic script...." Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2013
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    An absolute eye opener! For me it took reading about 58 first pages of the book to buy 10 of them for all of my friends. Later my friends bough even more for their friends. This book is a total eye opener for someone who went from religion to drinking, from dating wrong individuals and losing kids to the separation mess to swearing to be alone for the rest of the life just to "feel" happy. I can't express more thanks to Dr. Hendrix and his team for putting this material together. When I went through it I knew how I could have saved those precious things in my past I lost because I did not know who I was. A couple of additional thoughts. It does help to find a group of people or a counselor to discuss (vocalize) what you discover about yourself. Even if it is a close friend. We all have a tendency of sliding back to our original comfort zone. Don't let what you learn be forgotten for it will be. Secondly, don't be surprised if some people (including your those close to you) have a different reaction to what you read. My girlfriend at the time could not deal with the proposed exercises and we ended up breaking up instead of saving the ending relationship. There were also a couple of friends who were well-read on psychology books. Stay away from those individuals and don't let them spoil your discovery of yourself. I was strong enough not to listen to them and the book made me a better man. Last and not least, speak about your findings and get the pain out of your chest. You have no idea what it means for your friends (the real friends) to understand you better to be able to help when you need it with the most appropriate action. People started showing more interest in me as I was uncovering the damage done to my individuality through incorrect upbringing. The latter also sparked a lot of conversations with my own parents. There were some hurtful ones. You will learn that your folks live in a bubble of belief that they were doing the right thing for you and actually succeeded in it. I came to realize that they almost succeeded at failing me and my sister. So the next step is learning how to forgive now that all the pain and skeletons are out.
    23 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2017
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    A wonderful book that has been updated after 20 years of more tried and true field experience. This additional fine tuning will help even more individuals/couples get the love that they want. Easy to read with good real life examples of couples who struggle to heal their wounds and those of their partner. The personal insights alone were worth the read, but to have a road map of healing myself and helping my husband to heal were priceless. I have purchased this book as a gift for many people -- some were burgeoning psychotherapists that I thought could use some help understanding the much deeper meaning of the re-occurring scenarios in marital discord -- some were mature couples ready to re-define and re-shape their marriage into something much deeper and more satisfying -- other recipients were young couples whose marriage was in trouble and needed the assurance not to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble and to use the road map [exercises and weekend workshops] to return to getting the love that they wanted and were often desperately while still in the first throws of romantic love. The authors have "been there/done that" and live the examples that they so lovingly write about. Even if your spouse/significant other is not inclined to seek/receive help, even if you are single and no longer want to be or even if you want to delve deeper into your own psyche to heal some of your personal wounds this book will be a tremendous help on the way to a deeper understanding of yourself amd of others. You don't have to have an intimate and/or close relationship with someone to appreciate their wounds -- your friends, family, children, acquaintances, and even in the macrocosm -- your community -- to better understand, appreciate and compassionately live with them. I highly recommend this book as a resource to getting the love you want in your life.
    11 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2014
    This is a wonderful book for understanding why we pick people in romantic love and how our overall decisions in relationships have to do with our upbringing. If we can continue to learn what is realistic to receive from a romantic relationship and what it takes to give the other person to continue in respect and love for another - this book explains it. I love the experience by helping couples the writer learned that when you just teach a better way of communicating it opens the door for each other to find something new to fight about. He explains how people can be divorced still living together and ultimately you have to decide if this is something to salvage or move on. There are two types of people in a relationship - a "fuser" or and "isolater" - which I think is amazing. One may have not had their needs met as a child and need to fuse with the person - feel safe and in connection alot, basically, worried about being abandoned. I had no idea that I had fear of abandonment because I was always fine on my own. The isolater keeps busy and fears being too close to someone so they keep their life very busy when with spouse - house chores, t.v., reading, projects, or hobbies. There is a test and ultimately the book can help if you are single or already in a relationship to better understand your own needs and who you are while trying to connect with someone. It can broaden your thinking and open new ideas to yourself and reflect much on past and where you want to be in the future.
    5 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • L.L.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Wow - best book on relationships I've ever read
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 12, 2020
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    I've read a lot of books on relationships and this one is the best. Everyone needs to read it!

    It starts off explaining how our childhood experiences lead us to choose the partners we do. It's a Freudian perspective but makes a lot of sense. It then moves on to how to improve your relationship and has countless practical examples and exercises to complete.

    It is clear that the authors know what they're talking about and that their methods of supporting couples to improve their relationships are very effective.

    I couldn't recommend this more.
  • GO
    5.0 out of 5 stars Un Libro Transformativo
    Reviewed in Spain on October 13, 2014
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Getting the Love You Want es el libro perfecto para los individuos en relaciones intimas las cuales desean mejorar. Pero es recomendados solamente para individuos dispuestos a trabajar--no hay respuestas simples. Después de haber empezado a leer el libro los cambios en nuestra relación empezaban a manifestarse. Muy poderoso. Muy informativo.
    Report
  • Bella Anyango
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
    Reviewed in Italy on September 24, 2015
    Loved reading this book. Couldn't put it down . Highly recommended for all couples. Don't wait for your relationship to be on the rocks.
  • NOMITA WILSON
    5.0 out of 5 stars Nice
    Reviewed in India on June 19, 2019
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    A good read
  • Ouail MAGHURA
    5.0 out of 5 stars A ne pas rater
    Reviewed in France on March 7, 2019
    Ce livre est parmis les meilleurs que j'ai lus. Il est certainement utilie pour toute personne en couple ou qui a un projet de fonder un couple durable.