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Suckers Kindle Edition
Masters of the comedy thriller genre, J.A. Konrath and Jeff Strand, team up for the humorous horror novella Suckers.
Strand's perpetually unlucky character Andrew Mayhem, star of the novels Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary), Single White Psychopath Seeks Same, and Casket For Sale (Only Used Once), sets off on a simple mission at the request of his wife: Get some spaghetti sauce.
On his way to the store he meets Konrath's obnoxious private eye Harry McGlade, co-star of the Lt. Jack Daniels thrillers Whiskey Sour, Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail, Dirty Martini, Fuzzy Navel, and Cherry Bomb.
Horrific violence, bad jokes, and lots of name calling soon ensues. Some sex, too, but not between the main characters.
Originally, published as a very expensive limited-edition hardcover, Suckers is now available as a super cheap ebook.
But the fun doesn't stop there.
Also included in this ebook are six other Mayhem and McGlade stories, many of them rare and long out of print.
Whelp Wanted - JA Konrath
Poor Career Choice - Jeff Strand
Taken to the Cleaners - JA Konrath
A Bit of Halloween Mayhem - Jeff Strand
The Necro File - JA Konrath
The Lost (For a Good Reason) Adventure of Andrew Mayhem - Jeff Strand
If that's not enough to get you to part with your pocket change, this ebook also includes two brand new introductions written by the authors, and an exclusive Strand/Konrath interview.
That's over 53,000 words worth of demented entertainment, for half the price of a kiddie meal at that fast food restaurant with the scary clown. It's also 1/3 of the calories. Plus, it's specially formatted for Kindle, with an active table of contents. Not active in the sense it will mow your lawn or fetch you a beer, but it's clickable and looks pretty.
Warning: Some of the jokes (mostly Konrath's) push the boundaries of good taste. Don't buy this if you're easily offended.
You also get a bonus excerpt from the hilarious novel, My Gun Has Bullets, by Lee Goldberg.
Here's what critics and bestselling authors have to say:
"JA Konrath is the greatest writer who ever lived!" -- Jeff Strand, published author of Benjamin's Parasite
"No, no, Jeff Strand is way better!" -- JA Konrath, published author of Whiskey Sour
"I officially withdraw my previous quote based on new information provided by JA Konrath's quote. Jeff Strand is the greatest writer who ever lived!" -- Jeff Strand, published author of The Sinister Mr. Corpse
"Of course, Jack Kilborn is better than both of us combined and mixed with a side helping of the Bronte sisters." -- JA Konrath, published author of the more mediocre half of Suckers
"Well, duh." -- Jeff Strand, published author of the half of Suckers that's okay, sort of, if your expectations aren't too high.
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateFebruary 23, 2020
- File size2201 KB
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Editorial Reviews
From the Author
Books by JA Konrath
Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels Thrillers
#1-Whiskey Sour
#2-Bloody Mary
#3-Rusty Nail
#4-Dirty Martini
#5-Fuzzy Navel
#6-Cherry Bomb
#7-Shaken
#8-Stirred (with Blake Crouch)
#9-Rum Runner
#10-Last Call
#11-White Russian
#12-Shot Girl
#13-Chaser
#14-Old Fashioned
#15-Bite Force
#16-Jack Rose
Bonus #2.5-Lady 52 (with Jude Hardin)
Jack Daniels and Associates Mysteries
#1-Dead On My Feet
#2-Jack Daniels Stories Vol. 1
#3-Shot Of Tequila
#4-Jack Daniels Stories Vol. 2
#5-Dying Breath
#6-Serial Killers Uncut (with Blake Crouch)
#7-Jack Daniels Stories Vol. 3
#8-Everybody Dies
#9-Jack Daniels Stories Vol. 4
#10-Banana Hammock
Dark Thriller Collective
#1-The List
#2-Origin
#3-Afraid
#4-Trapped
#5-Endurance
#6-Haunted House
#7-Webcam
#8-Disturb
#9-What Happened To Lori
#10-The Nine
#11-Second Coming
#12-Close Your Eyes
Bonus #4.5-Holes in the Ground (with Iain Rob Wright)
Bonus #5.5-Draculas (with Blake Crouch, Jeff Strand, F. Paul Wilson)
Bonus #6.5-Grandma? (with Talon Konrath)
Codename: Chandler (with Ann Voss Peterson)
#1-Flee
#2-Spree
#3-Three
#4-Hit
#5-Exposed
#6-Naughty
#7-Fix (with F. Paul Wilson)
#8-Rescue
Timecaster
#1-Timecaster
#2-Timecaster Supersymmetry
#3-Timecaster Steampunk
Stop A Murder: Solve-It Series
#1-How: Puzzles 1-12
#2-Where: Puzzles 13-24
#3-Why: Puzzles 25-36
#4-Who: Puzzles 37-48
#5-When: Puzzles 49-60
#6-Answer Book
Joe Konrath and Ann Voss Peterson writing as Melinda DuChamp
Make Me Blush Series
#1-Kinky Secrets Of Mister Kink
#2-Kinky Secrets Of Witches
#3-Kinky Secrets Of Six & Candy
Alice Series
#1-Kinky Secrets Of Alice In Wonderland
#2-Kinky Secrets Of Alice Through The Looking Glass
#3-Kinky Secrets Of Alice At The Hellfire Club
#4-Kinky Secrets Of Alice Vs. Dracula
#5-Kinky Secrets Of Alice Vs. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
#6-Kinky Secrets Of Alice Vs. Frankenstein
#7-Kinky Secrets Of Alice Christmas Special
Jezebel Series
#1-Kinky Secrets Of Jezebel And The Beanstalk
#2-Kinky Secrets Of Puss In Boots
#3-Kinky Secrets Of Goldilocks
Sexperts Series
#1-The Sexperts - Kinky Grades Of Shay
#2-The Sexperts - Kinky Secrets Of The Pearl Necklace
#3-The Sexperts - Kinky Secrets Of The Alien
Books By Jeff Strand
Novels
Deathless
Autumn Bleeds Into Winter
The Odds
Allison
Clowns Vs. Spiders
My Pretties
Ferocious
Bang Up
Bring Her Back
Sick House
Cyclops Road
Blister
Kumquat
Benjamin's Parasite
Draculas (with JA Konrath, F. Paul Wilson, and Blake Crouch)
Mandibles
Fangboy
Dweller
Pressure
The Haunted Forest Tour (with James A. Moore)
The Sinister Mr. Corpse
How to Rescue a Dead Princess
Out of Whack
Novellas
Twentieth Anniversary Screening
Cold Dead Hands
An Apocalypse of Our Own
Stalking You Now
Kutter
Facial
Disposal
The Severed Nose
Faint of Heart
The Wolf Hunt Series
Wolf Hunt
Wolf Hunt 2
Wolf Hunt 3
The Andrew Mayhem Series
Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary)
Single White Psychopath Seeks Same
Casket For Sale (Only Used Once)
Lost Homicidal Maniac (Answers to "Shirley")
Cemetery Closing (Everything Must Go)
Suckers (with JA Konrath)
Collections
Candy Coated Madness
Everything Has Teeth
Dead Clown Barbecue
Gleefully Macabre Tales
Five Novellas
Young Adult
Elrod McBugle on the Loose
A Bad Day For Voodoo
I Have a Bad Feeling About This
The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever
Stranger Things Have Happened
How You Ruined My Life
About the Author
Product details
- ASIN : B0853FD2K5
- Publisher : Kydala Publishing, Inc. (February 23, 2020)
- Publication date : February 23, 2020
- Language : English
- File size : 2201 KB
- Simultaneous device usage : Unlimited
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 244 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #525,307 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #383 in Horror Comedy
- #3,525 in Paranormal Suspense
- #6,872 in Supernatural Thrillers (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Joe Konrath has written over twenty novels in the Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels thriller series. They do not have to be read chronologically to be enjoyed, but the order is: Whiskey Sour, Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail, Dirty Martini, Shot of Tequila, Fuzzy Navel, Cherry Bomb, Dead On My Feet, Serial Killers Uncut (with Blake Crouch), Shaken, Stirred (with Blake Crouch), Dying Breath, Everybody Dies, Rum Runner, Last Call, White Russian, Shot Girl, Chaser, Old Fashioned, Bite Force, and Witch Brew. More coming soon.
Wow, that's a lot of Jack.
If you like your thrillers on the dark side, check out the Konrath Dark Thriller Collective, which includes the books The List, Origin, Afraid, Trapped, Endurance, Haunted House, Webcam, Disturb, What Happened To Lori, The Nine, Second Coming, and Close Your Eyes.
Joe also wrote the Stop A Murder mystery puzzle series, where you become the sleuth and solve brain teasers to try and catch a killer.
He also wrote the sci-fi trilogy, Timecaster, Timecaster Supersymmetry, and Timecaster Steampunk. Even if you don't think you like sci-fi, give them a try. They feature Joe's well-known characters from his other series, and are insane.
With Ann Voss Peterson he wrote the Codename: Chandler thrillers, including Flee, Spree, Three, Hit, Exposed, Naughty, Fix (with F. Paul Wilson), Rescue, and Free.
And, finally, he writes erotica under the pen name Melinda DuChamp, also with Ann Voss Peterson. Those books are probably too spicy for you, so only the brave and bold should seek them out.
Joe writes a lot. You should probably read everything.
You can visit Joe and sign up for his newsletter at www.JAKonrath.com/mailing-list.php
Jeff Strand's bio was funnier when he talked about losing the Bram Stoker Award four times, but he's now a Bram Stoker Award WINNER!
His novels are usually classified as horror, but they're really all over the place, almost always with a great big dose of humor. He's written five young adult novels that all fall into the "really goofy comedy" category.
Several of his books are in development as motion pictures, and he's mostly not allowed to blab any details, which he finds MADDENING.
He currently lives in sunny, warm Duluth, Minnesota.
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Top reviews
Top reviews from the United States
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This was an awesome, light-hearted, at times disturbing, multi-page-laugh-as-you-read experience! These guys are two funny/morbid/deranged characters… … and I’m speaking of the authors, BTW.
I wish I had read the Harry McGlade shorts by J.A. Konrath before diving into his more serious-type horror/thriller stories, but I can now say with certainty that future reads will definitely have a different dynamic now that I’ve see this lighter side of his writing!
…and Jeff Strand? I can’t say enough about his knack to shock, creep out, and sometimes scare the reader while always causing the ends of his/her mouth to curl up in a smile that inevitably releases honest-to-God/Allah/gods/name-your-deity laughs!!! LOVE this guy’s work.
The two authors working together on the Suckers story had me laughing out loud… and when I wasn’t, I was either shaking my head at the absurdity of it all… or was at risk of further confirms my better half’s opinion that yes, I am a whack job who enjoys grinning foolishly at my electronic reading device whilst all alone on the couch. Both Konrad & Strand perfectly exercised the equivalent of a comedy/horror writers’ pissing contest. I laughed my ass off picturing these two guys taking turns at each chapter and one-upping the other and pitting the other’s character in some new whacky situation. Classic stuff. You don’t want to miss it!
My point, I read a lot of books, books written by brilliant Authors. Yet by the time I had made it to the end of the first chapter of the first Jeff Strand book I read, I was already in love. It IS intelligent, it takes a lot of talent to make a ridiculously hilarious horror story and he does it incredibly well. I wish I could find more like him...and it appears I just have.
Strand and Konrath seem to work together exceptionally well and I would love to see future collaborations between them. The only reason I don't speak as highly of Konrath is simply because I haven't really read anything of his until now. Unless Strand can make something new appear on my Kindle in the next five minutes, I'll be getting acquainted with the works of Konrath tonight.
I liked each story but I must admit that the Harry McGlade character is my favorite. McGlade is an obnoxious supporting character in Konrath's Jack Daniel's series who gives Jack constant grief but who also routinely comes through for her when the chips are down. The Jack Daniel's series begins with:
Whiskey Sour (A Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels Mystery) . I recommend reading the Jack Daniel's books in order though each book can stand alone on its own well enough.
I was first introduced to Andrew Mayhem a few years ago when I read Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) and Casket For Sale (Only Used Once), An Andrew Mayhem Thriller by Jeff Strand. These books are available now in Kindle format, also. It just doesn't get any better than that.
The partnership of Harry McGlade and Andrew Mayhem in Suckers worked really well for me - sometimes laugh out loud funny. This is relaxing, no-brain entertainment at it's best.
In addition to Suckers, there are a handful of short stories from both authors. These are quite enjoyable, too. I especially enjoyed Konrath's "The Necro File". McGlade's character is so over the top and an absolute joy to read.
What impresses me the most about this collection of stories is the fact that both Konrath and Strand are so versatile. My first experience of Konrath's writing was the dark, horrifying Afraid (by Jack Kilborn). There was no humor in that book, so his ability to write something as funny as the McGlade stories is even more impressive. Similarly, the first book I read by Strand was Pressure. Again, not much humor there. His Mayheim stories are quite humorous.
This collection of stories was more than worth the couple bucks I paid for it. And I look forward to more Konrath/Strand compilations.
I enjoyed the Jeff Strand portions as well, I think without Harry they would stand out as excellent dry humor... but with Harry in the picture I found myself anticipating the next J.A. Konrath story as I read them.
Top reviews from other countries



Masters of the comedy thriller genre, J.A. Konrath and Jeff Strand, team up for the humorous horror novella Suckers.
And their (anti-) heroes are a lot if fun!
Take this - it's a Freebie!
You surely won't regret it!


J.A. Konrath Spaß-Thriller zeichnen sich nich gerade durch feinsinnien Humor aus, sondern eher durch derbe Witze, die sehr häufig unter der Gürtellinie sind. Jeff Strand spielt in der gleichen Liga. Nicht jeder Witz ist ein Treffer, aber ich musste dennoch häufig lachen. Einen guten Einblick bietet bereits die Einleitung.
J.A. Konrath startet mit "Whelp Wanted", d.h. Harry bekommt den Auftrag einen Hund zurückzuentführen und stellt sich entsprechend trottelig an. Gut, aber andere Kurzgeschichten waren besser.
"Poor Career Choice" von Jeff Strand ist die schwächste Geschichte. Es geht um einen Auftragskiller, der auf Andrew angesetzt ist.
"Taken to the Cleaners" (J.A. Konrath) macht richtig Spaß. Harry soll einen Auftragkiller töten, der einen Auftragskiller töten will, den eine Frau auf ihren Mann angesetzt hat.
In "A bit of Halloween Mayhem" (Jeff Strand) werden Gruselgeschichten wahr. Sehr unterhaltsam.
Der Knaller ist "The Necro File" von J.A. Konrath. Mit Nekrophilie und Körperflüssigkeiten, die durch Spargel sensorisch beeinflusst werden, bekommt der Leser viel ekligen Humor geboten. Super.
In "The lost (for a good reason) Adventure of Andrew Mayhem erzählt Strand, wie Andrew seinen besten Kumpel kennen lernte.
Harry und Andrew erzählen in "Suckers" abwechselnd von einer Orgie mit Möchtegern-Vampiren. Diese Kurzgeschichte war nicht mein Ding.