Surely it can’t be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in the UK which unlike Leeds or Devizes doesn’t already have a classic filthy limerick to call its own. From Land’s End to John o’ Groats, The Great British Limerick Book has a filthy limerick for your town, for your uncle’s town, for your cousin’s husband’s ex-wife’s town …. as long as it’s in the UK and as long as it isn’t one of those few places that are really impossible to find a rhyme for. There are over 900 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy.
Guildford, Surrey
At McDonald's in Guildford in Surrey
I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry
I had to act quick
To cool down my dick
So I stuck it into my McFlurry
Nuneaton, Warwickshire
There was a young man from Nuneaton
Who really enjoyed being beaten
And squeezing his knackers
With a pair of nut crackers
And riding a bike with no seat on
Bath, Somerset
There was a professor from Bath
Who employed twenty-five research staff
To measure size and direction
Of his every erection
And to plot the results on a graph
The Isle of Skye, Scotland
When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July
Ashington, Northumberland
In Ashington there was a miner
Whose wife was a fashion designer
One night to his shock
She dressed him up as a cock
And herself as a six foot vagina
Hackney, Greater London
As a chemist I worked once in Hackney
And invented a treatment for acne
But one ingredi-ent
Was semen I’d spent
And they thought that good reason to sack me
