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Riley Nash
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Hold Me Under: An M/M Enemies to Lovers Romance (Water, Air, Earth, Fire Book 1) Kindle Edition

by Riley Nash (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.5 out of 5 stars 2,570 ratings
Love is cheap. Love is cruel. Love can’t save us.

Victor Lang had everything—looks, money, fame. A chance to become the greatest swimmer in history. Until a failed dope test brought him crashing down.
According to the rumors, he turned into a recluse, a drug addict, a whore. Broken beyond repair. Incapable of love.
And for some reason, he’s set his sights on me.
A freak accident in his pool throws me into a world of wealth and status and people who are willing to do anything to get what they want. Before I know it, I’m being paid to fly to Italy and pose as his boyfriend. Trapped at his side, I learn what it means to truly hate someone.
Turns out, that’s exactly what he wants.
I can’t save him, and I can’t love him. But as things fall apart and I discover the truths he’s hiding, I learn that hate can be greater than love—an obsession, a prayer, dark days and darker nights, a need to be the only one who hurts him. Hate can heal the worst wounds love leaves behind.
But I have problems of my own, a broken spirit and loved ones to protect. And I’m scared to face the things he’s waking up inside of me.

A gritty, emotional, epic hate-to-love slow burn with an inexperienced top and his bratty bottom, hurt/comfort, obsession, and healing.
**Contains dark themes, adult content, and potential triggers, though every effort was made to portray them thoughtfully and sensitively.
Specific triggers (potential spoilers): sexual abuse (off the page), suicidal ideation, drug abuse, disordered eating, trauma, death, mental illness, homophobic language
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  1. Book 1 of 4
    Water, Air, Earth, Fire
  2. Print length
    350 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Accessibility
    Learn more
  5. Publication date
    March 14, 2022
  6. File size
    3.7 MB
  7. Page Flip
    Enabled
  8. Word Wise
    Enabled
  9. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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  27. Wicked Lies Boys Tell
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  30. EWB (Enemies With Benefits)
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  1. You tore me open and put me back together but you kept something for yourself. You won’t give it back, and now I belong to you.
    Highlighted by 562 Kindle readers
  2. “It hurts too much,” he whispers. “I need to quit you slow, or it’s going to kill me.”
    Highlighted by 519 Kindle readers
  3. But you don’t leave. You pull back the sheet and climb in next to me. No one ever comes back for me. Until you.
    Highlighted by 504 Kindle readers
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From the Publisher

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Customer Reviews
4.9 out of 5 stars 14
4.5 out of 5 stars 2,570
4.5 out of 5 stars 2,570
Price $17.99 $15.99 $4.99
Other Editions Glossy 6x9" illustrated cover and new interior formatting Matte 5x8" paperback Available on Kindle Unlimited

Editorial Reviews

Review

"OMG, what a freaking phenomenal book! It's the tale of two boys causing each other soul scorching pain but ultimately giving themselves to each other so they can heal. I just can't recommend this powerful book highly enough." - Valerie, Love Bytes Reviews

"I physically did not want to put the book down...it sucked me in through its amazing characters, its amazing plot, and the absolutely beautiful prose Nash utilizes to tell the story." - Sarah, MM Romance Reviewed

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B09VLHZVNB
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Riley Nash Books
  • Accessibility ‏ : ‎ Learn more
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 14, 2022
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3.7 MB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 350 pages
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1736082621
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Book 1 of 4 ‏ : ‎ Water, Air, Earth, Fire
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 out of 5 stars 2,570 ratings

About the author

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Riley Nash

Riley Nash

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International bestselling author Riley Nash (he/they) lives in the rainy PNW and writes M/M romances about broken boys who find home in each other, hurt/comfort, and mental health rep.

Visit www.rileynashbooks.com to sign up for his newsletter!

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
2,570 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this romance book emotionally engaging, with one review describing it as a beautifully written emotional journey that leaves readers sobbing. The story receives positive feedback for its well-executed narrative and happy ending, while customers appreciate how it keeps them interested at every turn. Customers praise the writing quality and characters, with one review noting how it makes readers feel every pain and emotion. Customers enjoy the book's humor, with many mentioning it made them smile in surprise multiple times.

Select to learn more

Emotional contentValue for moneyStory qualityPacingWriting qualityPain levelHumorMaterial quality
47 customers mention "Emotional content"36 positive11 negative

Customers find this book emotionally engaging, describing it as an intense and angsty read that moves them to tears, with one customer noting its nuanced trauma narrative.

"...presenting a very damaged and broken young man in a wild, chaotic, heartbreaking, and sadly realistic way despite the fantastical “celebrity” status..." Read more

"...But WOW!! It was so beautifully written. I felt every emotion possible. And everyone needs an Ethan." Read more

"This story made my heart ache. For both Ethan and victor. Two people coming together to help each other. Freaking wow...." Read more

"...My heart absolutely shattered for him. While I knew there was some kind of SA trauma 💔 he endured in the past...." Read more

43 customers mention "Value for money"43 positive0 negative

Customers find the book worth their money, describing it as brilliant and spectacular.

"...Ethan and Victor fall into each other, messily and painfully and beautifully, from strangers to fake dating to something real—it left me breathless...." Read more

"...But there is always hope at the end, and that makes it worth the effort, so if you want to sit with a story long after it’s finished, this one is..." Read more

"I really did enjoy the book I love victor and Ethan they saved eachother and that was beautiful 🥹 it was slower than I’d have liked but still a..." Read more

"This one was unique, to say the least. It was unlike many of the books that I’ve read, I found that special...." Read more

40 customers mention "Story quality"37 positive3 negative

Customers find the book's story compelling and well-executed, with a perfect happy ending, and one customer describes it as a moving love story about two broken characters.

"...•Mental Health Rep ⚠️Check TWs⚠️ This story was so beautifully written and I needed more of Ethan and Victor...." Read more

"...a story that grips your emotions in an iron fist and sucks you completely into the story...." Read more

"I’m honestly speechless after finishing this book. This story is absolutely heart wrenching. The push and pull, the angst, all the tension?! Wow...." Read more

"I really enjoyed this story, love the way it unfolds. I couldn't get enough of Ethan's patience and understanding towards Victor...." Read more

32 customers mention "Pacing"29 positive3 negative

Customers find the pacing of the book compelling, keeping them interested at every turn and creating a beautiful story of healing.

"...The ache, the healing, the layered mental health rep, the way these broken boys found their way back to hope… it was stunning...." Read more

"...and broken young man in a wild, chaotic, heartbreaking, and sadly realistic way despite the fantastical “celebrity” status of the world she builds..." Read more

"Such a gripping story right from the start. The cadence of this book is poetry. I can't wait for the next journey." Read more

"...Freaking wow. The way they got each other through. I loved their dynamic and how they both experienced life." Read more

31 customers mention "Writing quality"27 positive4 negative

Customers praise the writing quality of the book, noting its beautiful storytelling and well-developed characters.

"...beautifully written, emotionally draining, thought provoking, and vivid portrayal of how broken a person can be and still find a way to move forward..." Read more

"...Oh, all the emotions! 😭 I was immediately gripped by the writing, then the characters and the story...." Read more

"...But WOW!! It was so beautifully written. I felt every emotion possible. And everyone needs an Ethan." Read more

"...The way it was written, the relationships with the characters, both internal and external, I couldn’t help but go on this ride...." Read more

20 customers mention "Pain level"14 positive6 negative

Customers appreciate the emotional depth of the book, describing it as a hurt/comfort story that makes them feel all of the things.

"...Watching Ethan and Victor fall into each other, messily and painfully and beautifully, from strangers to fake dating to something real—it left me..." Read more

"...It’s an emotional book and feels very powerful to witness Victor hesitantly open himself up to love after telling Ethan they could only ever hate..." Read more

"...This story was such an emotional journey that it was a little painful at times but totally worth it in the end...." Read more

"...But let me tell you. The FEELS. I was full-on sobbing. I haven’t had a book make me ugly cry for a hot minute but it was SO worth it...." Read more

6 customers mention "Humor"6 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's humor, with multiple reviews mentioning they laughed and were surprised by the author's brilliant wit.

"...This book will have you smiling, laughing, mad and all the things in between...." Read more

"...say enough of this book, its a quick heartbreaking, heartwarming, funny read." Read more

"...It wasn't all turmoil and strife, though. The author has a brilliant wit and sense of humor that made me smile in surprise many times...." Read more

"This book made me cry, laugh. it is sad what happens with Ethan and Victor, as they both exist but do not live...." Read more

9 customers mention "Material quality"4 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the material quality of the book, with some finding it beautifully broken, while another customer describes it as tough.

"...The author has done an amazing job of presenting a very damaged and broken young man in a wild, chaotic, heartbreaking, and sadly realistic way..." Read more

"Victor and Ethan Oh, how my heart hurt and broke for Victor...." Read more

"...They are nasty and ugly but beautifully broken as well. Ethan is our good boy. The boy who tries so hard to save things...." Read more

"This was my first read from this author. This was a tough book - lots of dark times and mental health stuff...." Read more

Gloriously painful and perfect
5 out of 5 stars
Gloriously painful and perfect
Riley Nash is incredible! I’ve never read an author that can completely immerse you in desperation, despair, and just a sliver of hope that somehow turns into a beaming sun of redemption. I love her books. They’re real and painful, and in every way the word beautiful really stands for. Love love love this book. These guys stories are so complex and heated. You never know how the redemption will come, but when it does, it’s so sweet. I loved every word.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Danielle Piper
    5.0 out of 5 stars I didn’t know what it meant to feel safe until you hated me.
    Reviewed in the United States on June 12, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Ethan has never had time for himself. At eighteen, tragedy tore through his life he lost his best friend, his family fractured, all at once his life fell apart. At the same time of all of that, the news came: his mother had dementia. Every dream, every plan, every part of himself was put on hold. He dropped out of his veterinarian program. He took two jobs just to keep the lights on and her medications paid for. Then came a lawn care assignment that changed everything the home of his childhood idol. But the opportunity that followed didn’t just change his life. It unraveled it in ways he never saw coming.

    Victor has spent the last six years hiding. A doping scandal cost him everything his Olympic dreams, his career, and his belief in himself. The world he once ruled shut him out, and he let it. Until Ethan wide-eyed, curious Ethan looked through his window and flipped his quiet world upside down. One rescue later and everything is chaos. As if being exposed again wasn’t enough, his father appears with strings and ultimatums. The price? Be the face of a dating app and play boyfriend for the cameras. The catch? Ethan has to play along too.

    Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

    Riley. Freakin. Nash.
    First of all what did you put in this book? I devoured it.
    Second my heart. It’s been cracked wide open and stitched back together by the end. Watching Ethan and Victor fall into each other, messily and painfully and beautifully, from strangers to fake dating to something real—it left me breathless. The ache, the healing, the layered mental health rep, the way these broken boys found their way back to hope… it was stunning. I don’t know why it took me so long to start this series, but I’m never turning back now. This story wrecked me in the best possible way. Thank you for writing something so raw, so tender, and so worth every page.
    Helpful
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  • S E L E N A
    4.0 out of 5 stars Victor my sweet Bratty Bottom
    Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Rating⭐️: 4.5/5
    Spice🌶️: 3/5
    Memorable Quote(s): He grabs the front of my shirt and kisses me, rough and demanding. His amber eyes are heated. “What have I told you a million times?” “You’ll always hate me.” “Who else can promise you that?”

    Tropes:
    •Fake Dating
    •enemies to lovers
    •Forced proximity
    •slow burn
    •Hurt/comfort
    •Bratty Bottom
    •Shy Top
    •Mental Health Rep
    ⚠️Check TWs⚠️

    This story was so beautifully written and I needed more of Ethan and Victor. It definitely had a little bit of a slow start for me but once I hit the fake dating aspect I was all in.

    I was instantly in love with Ethan. I loved his protectiveness of his Mother and the way he wanted to make everything okay for the people around him. Enter in Victor…. not gonna lie, Victor made it hard for me. He was just so mean to Ethan, especially with the comments about his mom, and I found myself being protective of Ethan and saying this is not worth the money but on the other hand Ethan definitely held his ground with him. He even got a few jabs in on Victor too.

    Victor was definitely the bratty broken boy who just needed someone to love him. My heart absolutely shattered for him. While I knew there was some kind of SA trauma 💔 he endured in the past. I did not see the little twist of event coming with his coach selling him AND his father knowing about it and just making it go away! They can go to hell, and I’m glad Alec was able to help Victor in the end. (I’m also curious to know his story👀)

    I will say I needed a little bit more at the end with Ethan and Victor just being together, I felt the end was a little rushed. But I about died when Ethan took Victor to Athens to swim in an Olympic pool 🥹🥲

    I will most definitely be continuing this series.
    Helpful
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  • Marty
    5.0 out of 5 stars Loved It
    Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    This is a beautifully written, emotionally draining, thought provoking, and vivid portrayal of how broken a person can be and still find a way to move forward and heal. These characters are complicated and damaged in their own ways, and while the relationship is initially volatile and starts in a less than conventional way, it all works out beautifully when they finally find ways to relate to and communicate with one another. The author has done an amazing job of presenting a very damaged and broken young man in a wild, chaotic, heartbreaking, and sadly realistic way despite the fantastical “celebrity” status of the world she builds for him. We’ve seen this same story play out in real life and she doesn’t make it seem like it’s salacious or gross or presented simply for shock value or to make the character she’s created sympathetic. She does a good job of showing the tragic reality of a person living with this sort of reality and the ways they may be broken and reaching out for help, even when it looks to all the world like they’re pushing everyone away; that makes this a beautiful, and emotional read, and a little overwhelming sometimes, too. But there is always hope at the end, and that makes it worth the effort, so if you want to sit with a story long after it’s finished, this one is definitely worth the time.
    Helpful
     Report

Top reviews from other countries

Translate all reviews to English
  • Miner
    5.0 out of 5 stars I love this book
    Reviewed in Mexico on February 25, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    I loved it from beginning to end, the anguish was very well handled, exquisite.
    I need more. Thanks ... .
    Report
  • Gloria_umotse
    5.0 out of 5 stars GRIPPING
    Reviewed in Canada on March 28, 2022
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Sooo it took me all weekend (and more) to finish this book, not because it dragged, but something about this piece of art demands that it be savoured. So that's what I did. Ironically, I feel empty (in the best way, trust me)

    When I found this one, I had to get my hands on it. I needed angst. AND BOY THIS WAS ANGST GALORE. But not the kind of angst that has you sweating throughout, your heart racing, or maybe even shedding tears... No no, this one seeps into you slowly, carefully, consuming you before you realize it. My throat feels like I lodged a baseball so deep I'll probably starve to death because it'll never see the light of day again. I LIVE FOR THAT 😩

    Before I talk about the characters and what not, I just need to shoutout the prose cause, LORD HAVE MERCY, this was some high quality prose. But not an overwhelming type of prose that makes it difficult to follow the story. This is what I'd call fluffy prose. Like a sophisticated marshmallow. It had subtle notes sprinkled throughout each character's pov to the other character, it had mini-epigraphs at every part that just grip you, it had rhythm and texture, sight and sound. It was everything 😭

    Anywaysss into the nitty gritty. I'm not going to say too much because I don't want to spoil anything but arghhh I loved both characters. And let me tell you, I really wanted to hate Victor, honestly I probably did for like 60% of the book. But the way this author writes him, you realize that it's not Victor you hate, it's the dirty, terrible world that shaped him you despise. You see yourself wanting to both shake and shield him. And my poor baby Ethan who I relate to on an atomic level, it practically terrifies me. He's the one you know is meant to save Victor, and the way the story carries you through, you really think that's all this tale will be, but it's so much more. It's two ceramic people, flung against hardwood floors by their circumstances and the hands of terrible world, trying to piece themselves together.

    For me, it was the little, sometimes barely noticeable, character mannerisms that told me so much about their past; the way they both hated each other so badly and how that hate ultimately provided comfort; the overarching mystery of Victor's background; and while I'm usually not a fan of slowburn it was necessary, it felt real and raw and perfect for these two. And yes of course we get a satisfying HEA!

    He’s all the things that drive me crazy and all the things that lead me home.

    My heart is shattered but in the best way possible and I feel empty because I need to figure out how to hug fictional people.
    Report
  • Duduponny
    5.0 out of 5 stars Oh my god.
    Reviewed in Japan on April 23, 2022
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    This is absolutely one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read in all of my life. Is full of emotions, twisted in the most terryfing way. It’s a long journey in a very dark place where you can only hope to find a light. Viktor and Ethan are so deep, so well constructed that more than a time a really felt them. Their emotions, their thought, their feelings. It’s easy to make me cry with a good book, but it’s not easy to make me feel raw, exposed like everything is happening to me. This book made me feel like that and I’m pretty sure I’ll read it again.
    Read it, trust me!
    Report
  • Samantha
    5.0 out of 5 stars Compelling, tragic and beautiful
    Reviewed in Australia on February 13, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Sometimes, when you are broken, it takes another broken person to break through. Sometimes, when you're too broken to even recognise love and you hold yourself suspended above it, only a relationship built by antagonism can slip through the cracks. But the antagonism can only come from someone else who has surrounded themselves with sharp edges, built to protect.
    Ethan and Victor's relationship is this.
    Riley Nash is a brilliant author, his writing style is consistent and creative. These are not your standard tick-a-box trope-satisfying smut stories. It's literature with spice.
    Report
  • Cliente Kindle
    5.0 out of 5 stars Difícil e pesado, mas também doce
    Reviewed in Brazil on February 7, 2024
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Este primeiro livro da série tem momentos muito difíceis de ler, mas também muito reais, pois mostram um retrato cru e verdadeiro do lado negro dos esportes. Há romance, adaptação, autodestruição, aceitação e, finalmente, redenção. Recomendo e desafio a todos a não se apaixonarem por Ethan e Victor.
    Report

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